All this time you feel like you are a part of a group. They even acknowledge your presence at times. The other times, they may occasionally strike up the question, “So, {name} what do you think?” If you get lucky enough, you may even be considered for some of their plans, but keep in mind that you may not actually be invited. These are just a few things that these so-called “friends” do or say in order to let you think you are an official member of the group.

I’m not the most talkative gal in the world so it’s safe to assume that I’m someone on the shy side. That’s already an obstacle that makes it difficult for me to get out there and socialize. I’m that one girl that gets forgotten and is only part of the group as a “placeholder.” I’m always just sort of... there. I do agree that it’s hard to start up a conversation with me and I do agree that I’m not the most comfortable in big crowds. I also do agree that I will do whatever I can to make my friends feel content. I will do whatever I can to help out my friends even if it’s something that I'm not fond of doing.

Time passes and the people who you used to call “BFF’s” and make friendship bracelets for were never truly there for you. I knew this was true for my case. Before I knew it, plans would be made in front of me without any regard or concern. I also had easy access to what I viewed on social media whether it be through Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. Sometimes I would casually scroll through the timeline and pictures of my friends hanging out together would pop up on my feed. Of course, while it would sting a little that I wasn’t there, I still threw out a nice little comment because they were still my "friends” in my head.

I’ll admit it, I’m pretty easy to throw around because the word “no” is almost nonexistent to my vocabulary. It scares me to even think about saying that word, especially to a friend. Some of my genuine friends around me would point that out frequently, saying that I should stop being friends with a specific person because they were taking advantage of me. If I listened to that golden piece of advice earlier, I wouldn’t be constantly messing with my emotions this much.

It took me forever to identify who the fake friends were in my life. My ability to not say “no” definitely played a huge role in it, but there were also other aspects of me that made me realize why it took me an era. I’m a firm believer in second chances. People learn from their mistakes a lot of the time so it’s important to give them that opportunity for them to acknowledge what they did. However, this doesn’t always work if the person doesn’t feel like they are making a mistake on their behalf. Reflecting on those unhealthy friendships, I definitely gave way more than two, three, or even five chances.

My parents raised me with the idea that everyone is a good person at heart even if it takes a great deal of digging to the core. I kept digging and digging in the hopes that those individuals have good motives, and they do, but their main motives didn’t really align with mine. I kept making myself think that even though our opinions contrasted, we can still be close friends. Without realizing, I ended up changing some of my ideas in order to make it seem more similar to theirs. I knew that if I stated my opinions, I would be labeled as someone else and they would talk behind my back later.

In the modern world, people want to be seen as “popular” or “cool," so that’s why the people you hang out around matters so much nowadays. There are so many artificial people that think about social status. I’m being completely honest, I had a time where I cared about popularity too (middle school was rough). Some of my “friends” would act like they weren’t as close to me in certain public settings. It gave me the feeling that they don’t want to be seen hanging out with some girl that can barely start a conversation.

Looking back on all of this, I wish I stood up and stayed true to myself. However, as I said before, people can learn from their mistakes so therefore I will learn from mine and spread the awareness to others who are suffering from the similar instances as well.

I learned my lesson to not trust everyone and treat everyone like they are my close friends. I’ve already tried to loosen my connections with those people near the end of senior year, but I’ll still be friends with them, just not as close. It’s difficult to spot a toxic friend and it’s even harder to cut ties with them, but it must be done if you really want to have healthy relationships.

I just want to remind people that if you have doubts about a friend who hasn’t been treating you with the respect you need, try to identify that situation as early as possible because it will just be that much more mentally damaging to you in the future. Become closer to the people who genuinely care for you as a person. Don’t be afraid to say no, be yourself, and take your loved ones' advice to heart because they are really looking out for you and want you to have friendships that will last a lifetime.