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Why The Olympics Piss Me Off

Rio no you didn't

Dean Ross

Sep 02, 2016

San Antonio, Texas

Getty Images

As it turns out, the Olympics makes me freaking angry as hell, and I will tell you exactly why.

Every four years we are bombarded with the Olympics. Yeah, that syntax was negative because the Games upset me.

Sure, its cool seeing the literal peak of human capabilities perform, but, as an incredibly bitter human, I’m gonna complain about them.

So let's begin. All these athletes are in perfect shape. Not a single Olympian has any trace of body fat. And that makes sense because their lives are nothing but exercise. However, when I see an athlete with 8-pack abs eating 8000 calories of McDonalds, that’s where I put my foot down. How dare these people be able to eat all this junk and be in perfect shape while I’m stuck here eating an avocado, trying to look slightly like them.

Like, the audacity, you know? It's disgusting, and we need to put an end to this.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Why The Olympics Piss Me Off

Rio no you didn't

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

The Belchers hold the key to a better life.

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