“I am the shore and the ocean, awaiting myself on both sides.” ― Dejan Stojanovic, The Shape. Since I was little, I somehow had this dream of being a Marine Biologist. At that time, I did not know that was what it was called, but I knew that was what I loved most.
I started collecting seashells.
Anytime I went to the beach, it was an adventure. I loved it so much, but we didn't get to go that often, so I made the best of it. Looking back on it, I remember that in my old room at home I still have a platter full of shells on the bookshelf. Each shell to me was a reminder of each time my bare feet finally touched the sand and the salty wind tangled up my hair as I carried my flipflops down the stretch of beach to the massive body of water that made me feel so small. I would feel the shells beneath my feet, broken amongst the sand grains and think of the life those small creatures had and with that, I would look for all kinds from small calm shells to conches and through the years my collection became a passion and I took that passion to college.
Of course I changed my mind, it's college.
When I moved to college, my big time scientist dream was in full effect. I had the scholarship, the nicer dorm, the group of people in my program, the research opportunity and all that I could ever need, but I gave it up. Somewhere among the tired stress of another late chemistry lab on top of the biology homework and my research apprenticeship notetaking and struggling, I gave up. Personally, I decided that I was not good enough for my own dream which seems to happen a lot among college kids. I wanted my life to be easier and be more exciting, so I didn't want to be a scientist. The love I had found for it all slowly started to disappear.
Where I realized I had made a mistake.
When you compromise your dreams, you compromise your future and the memories that go with that. I did not want to think that my childhood dream and fascination had gone to waste somehow and with the idea constantly on my mind I began to rethink my decision and wanted to change my major back. The ocean is a whole separate world. This vast body of water takes up two-thirds of an earth said to be made for man. The part that I love the most is that we will never know so much about the ocean because the information we could gather from it is never-ending just like my will to learn more about it.
Ocean does not rhyme with wasteland.
Everyone who cares about the ocean will press the idea of saving it and stopping pollution and while that is not my goal here, I am going to bring it up. To me, the ocean is important not only because we need it in the world and the ecosystems are dying but because of the people who love it also. This is for the people who want the ocean to be their career, their vacation, their escape, their best photography and whatever else the ocean is to you. If the ocean is some type of healing oasis for you, then it's important. This is me, speaking as a college freshman planning out her life and researching as much as she can about these topics. This is also me, the barefoot little girl building sandcastles and dreams thinking every seashell she found was a new discovery. As a future scientist, I hope you please keep the oceans in your thoughts. Remember their worth and love them for the small treasures they give us. As a little girl with a dream, please do the same.
The last thing my heart wants to say.
The oceans are deeply embedded in the curves and snug parts of me. Places where sand is uncomfortable and sea air sends chills down my skin while the sun moves over me and warms my thoughts that pass through different waves as the ocean takes what part of me it doesn't already have. Beneath the surface of the water lives a world different from my own and looking back into my eyes is the glistening sparkle of new wonder and questions I have just as it has for me. Spreading my arms to swim with the slow motion of the waves as they bring me back and push me to the shore, feeling the water rush across my skin and playing with my hair in the currents.
Between shores in different parts of this world lives the biggest mystery to this world and in some poetic form in some life, I believe I am apart of it. For "I am the shore and the ocean, awaiting myself on both sides.” ― Dejan Stojanovic, The Shape.
