As anyone who knows me will tell you, I'm an organizational freak, almost to the point of OCD. I like things to be done in a certain way and I like to do it myself to know that everything will go exactly the way it should. From the way my books are stacked on my desk to the order of which I'm going to do my homework, I create a mental list and recite it in my head at least 15 times. I've done this for as long as I can remember and the reason is simple: I'm scared of the future.
Being a high school junior is one of most stressful times of my life to date. From balancing ACTs, SATs, college visits, AP courses, recommendations, and the list goes on, I learned that the only way to deal with it all is to plan out every second. By having a planned list, I know what I have to do when so that I can almost predict my own future. Uncertainty is not something that I've ever really been comfortable with. If I'm going somewhere, I want to know where I am going, what I'm doing, and approximately how long it will take. I need to know or it will feel like the world is crashing down on me.
I found myself continuing this cycle of lists and organization up until very recently at my cousin's high school graduation. When the valedictorian went up to give her speech, she started off saying how she was an organizational freak and a list enthusiast just like me. The more she spoke, the more she began to resonate with me. She went on to say how she finally broke this mold when she made a trip to Columbia to help build a school. She learned that life is more exciting when the future is uncertain and not everything is planned out. She's even going as far as taking a gap year before starting as a college freshman at Georgetown University and is going to revisit Columbia for a year.
The more I thought about her speech, the more I realized how applicable it is to somebody like me. I was so worried about making sure that every second of every day was planned out so that my future was exactly how I envisioned it would be. But where's the fun in that? The great part about life is the thrill of uncertainty. Not knowing what is going to come next; always keeping you on your toes. As a high school student, you don't need to know what you want to do with your life. You don't need to know where you want to go to college, or where you see yourself in 10 years. That's the beauty of living.
So for the first time in my life, I don't know what's going to happen next. And I can't wait to see what the future holds.
