Dear Ben Higgins,
First thing's first… how dare you?
Recommended for you
How dare you and your ridiculously flawless smile grace my television every Monday night at 8 p.m.? What did I ever do to you-- what did any of us ever do to you to deserve this inhumane and heartless punishment? I’m just a young woman, a devoted fan to "The Bachelor" since I was in high school. I’ve followed this show through all of its highs and lows, from Sean and Catherine’s beautiful (and hilarious) engagement to the biggest douche bag of them all: Bentley. And then you had to come along and ruin everything.
Is it some sick game? Do you like knowing that after only a few episodes, my expectation for men everywhere is now impossibly high? I used to think to myself, "Eh, you know? Nobody is perfect. No point in being unrealistic and setting my standards high, as long as a guy can meet most of my criteria, then I’m happy.” But no. You had to go and be perfect, and you couldn’t just be perfect in that little hometown of Warsaw, Indiana-- you had to be perfect on national television, so that my friends and I could gush over you and send obnoxious heart eye emojis to each other on a daily basis. I demand you publicly apologize to men everywhere, because you are making it a hell of a lot more difficult for them to win the hearts of us lady Bachelor fans.
I’m in college, Ben. I juggle a full time student schedule, a sorority, student government association, three jobs, and a social life. I don’t have the time or energy to be thinking about love and dating but here I am! Actively searching for my very own Ben Higgins to sweep me off my feet! I was so content with maintaining my heartless wench persona and, you know, just doing me. Now, thanks to you, I believe in love. You’ve turned me into the kind of person who wants to find that special someone. I hate that person. You’re the worst.
I remember a time when I used to have dreams. Big dreams, too. I used to want to do big things, save the world and become President and all of that good stuff. Now? My career goals include being on "The Bachelor," falling in love, and locking that down. I’m not kidding, I actually googled how to apply to be on "The Bachelor" (and then promptly deleted my search history.) All you have to be is young and hot and pretty and a little crazy-- I fit most of that description, right?
Wanna know what else you ruined for me? "The Bachelor." The best part about this show, for me and many women across the world, is laughing about how ridiculous it makes the contestants. Literally, men and women on "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" lose their minds, and my favorite thing to watch is just how insane they can be. But these ladies? (Which are the most beautiful and down to earth group I’ve ever seen.) I can’t even blame them for being crazy. In fact, I empathize with them. That is terrifying.
So now, thanks to you, I’m someone who can relate to lunatics. You did this to me. This is your fault.
Not to mention, how the heck are the producers of "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" franchise supposed to follow this season without letting the entire country down?
I guess what I’m saying to you, Ben Higgins, is that you are the worst. And by the worst, I mean pretty much the best human being in existence. Your instagram is flawless. Your smile gives the world butterflies. You volunteer. You go out of your way to make the contestants on your show feel special. You are smart and successful. You are kind. How have a great sense of humor. You are supportive. You are sensitive. You want children. You love your family. You have a smokin’ bod. And, not to mention, you’d watch The Bachelor with me.
So I repeat-- How dare you, you stupidly perfect, heartthrob of a man?
But also, on a lighter note. Thanks for making Monday nights the absolute best.
With love (and hopefully, a rose one day),
Sarah
