When I was a kid, my family used to go out on the Ohio River on our pontoon boat. We'd drop the anchor and I'd jump on in with zero regrets. I used to go tubing on that river, getting splashed in the face with loads of water. I'm not saying that I was raised on the river, but I also am not saying I wasn't. I spent a real heck ton of my youth in the Ohio River.

It wasn't until recently, probably within the past few years, that I found out about the disgust that is apparently so widespread. I took a small poll, just from a few of my coworkers, on why they wouldn't put a single toe in the Ohio River. One response I got was, "you can't eat a fish from the Ohio River. So that's not good." Another response was, "there is probably a lot of unlogged waste that's gone into the river." More than one person brought up all of the dead bodies that have been found in it. Just a simple google search of "body found in Ohio River" will give you thousands of results from various news articles about different bodies found all along the water. A professor of mine actually told me that he found a body in the river with his wife once. Granted, that was pretty much his job, dealing with dead people, but I think anyone could agree it is fairly appalling that people can just randomly find a dead person in there.

Another very well known fact is that people go to the bathroom in that water. I know for sure that some of my siblings have literally peed all over the place in the Ohio River. That is the most unsanitary thing in the world. I also know that people let their dogs pee and even poop in the river. Just rereading that sentence makes me want to barf. I swam in urine and feces infested water! I have no clue why my mother allowed that.

Any issues I have, I blame them all on swimming in the Ohio River in my youth. Trust issues? I have them because I can't trust a soul since I was allowed to swim in that water as a tiny, impressionable child. I'm too sassy? I was infected with sass; some mutated fish probably bit my toe, poisoning me with eternal sass. I'm almost scarily independent? I have to be because if I depend on anyone even a tiny bit, they could throw me right back into that cursed water. I have to watch out for myself now. The water has changed me. The Ohio River has made me who I am today and I am not so sure that it is a good thing.

Parents, if you care about your children, never let them swim in the Ohio River. Kids, don't put a single toe in that water. It will change you and you will never be the same. Beware.