I stared at my iPhone screen and thought maybe this was the biggest mistake of my life.

Okay, I'm being dramatic... but as I scrolled through my pictures one last time and thought about all the memories I've posted the last 7 years, it felt like a mistake. My mind kept saying "you're just discarding all these memories... throwing away all of these pictures" and then there was the small voice in the back of my head very quietly saying, "You'll make new ones."

You know, I actually had to google how to delete my Instagram. They don't make it very easy. And even when I made it to the right page, they kept asking "are you sure?" uh no, I'm not.

I realized... the memories are not gone. But over and over again Instagram kept telling me "you will NEVER be able to get your account back" "you can NEVER reuse this username." I panicked a little

But then I thought to myself... if I honestly care this much, it's really time to get rid of this. It sounds so silly for something like social media to have a hold over my life. But I thought of all the times I sat scrolling through Instagram thinking "this girls hair is so much better than mine" "they have the perfect family" "she's so fit, I should be more like her"... and then I'd look at the time and an hour had gone by.

The comparison game is an ugly one. You're so busy trying to be like other people and wanting what they have that you become ungrateful and in this constant state of strife.

Those hours that I spent scrolling could be used for something much more productive. And honestly, clicking that delete button felt kind of liberating.

I've thought about doing this for awhile but kept making excuses. "I won't know what's going on in the world" "I'll be disconnected from my long distance family and friends." But the truth is, theres ways around this and it was just my excuse to avoid doing something uncomfortable.

I want to live more in the moment. Not be so attached to my phone. Not feel a sense of panic when I lose service or don't have data so I can fill my time with mindless scrolling. I'm not saying that social media is bad, but it is when we let it control the way we view ourselves.