YouTube is much more to me than just a website where I go to watch videos. Ever since I was around the age of 12 I used to watch YouTubers make music videos to pop songs and sometimes I even made my own. I remember not wanting anyone to find out about my videos because they were quite embarrassing. I got a MacBook in 6th grade and taught myself how to edit on iMovie. I started making videos using the camera on my laptop and then I begged my mom to buy me a Canon Rebel T3 and a $15 tripod from eBay. I remember feeling so "official" when they arrived and spending almost every single weekend in my backyard for hours making music videos.
Being an only child was a really big struggle for me when I was younger. I constantly got bored, begged my friends to make music videos with me (even though they didn't want to) and I just never had someone to talk to. I began talking to my camera like it was my friend (wow that makes me sound so crazy but I promise it's not... at least I think so) I would tell my camera where I got my outfit from, how my day was and for once, I didn't feel so alone anymore. I made a few YouTube friends who I still keep in contact with on Instagram! It's crazy to think back on those moments because although we never met, I feel like we saw each other grow up. We would email each other certain clips and then mash them together to create a music video. This is what we called "collabing". I loved the feeling of sharing my passion for making videos with someone else who enjoyed it just as much I did.
I remember gaining my first 100 subscribers and flipping out. I was beaming with joy. My mom used to watch my videos and I loved the way they made her smile. She has always been supportive of whatever I choose to do with my life and I love her for that.
Soon enough a few people in middle school found out about my YouTube and I remember people watching my videos in front of me and laughing at my face. I put up a front at school and made it seem like it didn't bother me but deep down it really did. I decided to stop making videos once I entered high school because I did not want to go through that humiliation ever again. Biggest mistake of my life.
I can't lie and say that I never thought about starting my YouTube channel again in high school because I definitely did. I definitely had moments wondering what would happen if I started to make videos again. Would people bully me? Would people not care? I rather just put it aside and just be "normal." Note to self: DON'T BE "NORMAL."
I really wish I could go back. I wish I did not listen to those people who made me feel horrible in middle school. Who knows where my channel would be but that's beside the point. The point is that I let people take control of my life. I was too concerned about what everyone else thought. Soon enough, I started to feel lonely again and I felt like a piece of me was missing.
December of 2016, I decided to start my YouTube again. I constantly told myself I would buy myself a camera and I finally did. Best decision ever.
I started documenting my college experience and giving advice to incoming students. I also found a big passion for fashion through my videos! I started making more and more videos and until this day, making videos is something I look forward to doing every single day. I gained over 1.5K subscribers in one year and it lets me know that I'm doing something right. I want to be that older sibling for someone out there who doesn't have someone to talk to at home, who feels lonely and who just needs a friend like I did in middle school. As a friend, I'm here to tell you to never stop doing something you love because you're too scared of what other people think. Be you. Do you. For you.
