Bullying proves that words do hurt and as I watched "13 Reasons Why," my memories of those bad experiences came back to me just like that. You see I forgive, I forgive a lot but I definitely don't forget. Now, I am not holding grudges, not at all. It’s just the words I hold on too. The words that hurt and feel like they pierced your heart so deeply. I literally felt the pain in my chest. I would sometimes get anxiety from it. Those words are just so powerful they can kill, and they have. Even though this was just a story, it does happen and it happens quite a bit. Watching Hannah Baker’s story unravel it made me emotional because this is a serious problem with our society today. Our parents raised judgmental people, or maybe they dealt with it at home so they bring their baggage to school and insult ours.
Bullying for me started at a young age. I wasn't the most poplar girl and I often times envied what others had: the perfect family, the perfect friends, the perfect boyfriend. If it wasn't kids at school mocking me for having big teeth, it was family members talking about my weight. I dealt with enough bullies at home but I guess people at school didn't think so, so they would make jokes up and hurt me, but I just tried to block it out. This made me feel shy, quiet, and lonely at times. I wasn't happy about it but I tried to think positive. I thought, "Well, things could be worse, people get bullied worse." As I was older, things were a little better and I started to hang around with the poplar kids. It was hard because I knew I was judged on my appearance and the fact that I wasn't allowed out, so I was limited. When people said little jokes I would laugh, pretend it didn't bother me, but it did. It really did. See, it was all a front, that is what a person who gets bullied does. They pretend that everything is okay so no one knows their real pain, so that no one knows the truth.
There were two times where I felt like this, like I had to pretend everything was alright, as I was losing my shit inside. First I was in middle school, I dated this boy that I thought I was lucky to date. He was perfect to me. That dream ended abruptly, he broke up with me only a few weeks into our relationship. That didn't hurt as much as what he did next. I was heartbroken that he broke up with me, so a few days later I started dating another guy. We were kids so it's not like we were hooking up, but I wanted to get him jealous to let him know that I didn't care why he dumped me. So one day as I was walking home, him and his friends followed me and started calling me names like SLUT and WHORE. It was awful. I never felt so down as I did that day. I went home and I cried. He was the guy that broke up with me to get back with his ex and yet I get slut shamed for doing nothing, absolutely nothing. The second time, I truly felt so down and alone was in sophomore year. I was going through hell at home, I was kicked out so I had to live with my aunt. That’s when I started not going to school and I started partying. I just wanted to forget about all the pain I was feeling. I had a best friend and our friendship was great or so I thought. We had a falling-out over a boy. A boy that I didn't even like and she did. They were happy together, while I lost my best friend and the guy (who was also my friend) we were both talking, so it sucked. It wasn't losing my best-friend that hurt the most but rather, it was the words she told me. She wrote a long message to me and insulted me in every which way. I also lost another close friend around the same time, due to a boy, and just like that I had no friends. At least the ones I thought were closest to me. It hurt badly and the loneliness sunk in real quick. I missed more school so I wouldn't be reminded every day of the friends I didn't have or the boys I talked to that weren't even worth our friendship.
It took me a while to recover from my sophomore year, even though things didn't seem that bad they were at home and they were at school. People just don't know what words they tell other people, how it can effect them and how it can cut deep. So yes, I definitely relate to Hannah Baker because I felt so alone, so powerless and for people to say they are just words, they are not. So if you know anyone that is getting bullied, acting different or they seem to themselves, try talking to them because that's all they could use: a friendly face, a reminder that they are not alone in life.
