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Why I Say No To Relationships

Broken hearts don’t heal quickly, and pain lingers for a while.

Leslie Carroll

Mar 13, 2017

Birmingham, Alabama

229

Google

I decided to leave my husband.

Looking back on the last few months I see how destructive my behavior had become.
That isn’t who I am or who I want to be.
I made a vow to myself that I would wait before just giving my heart away.

It seems when you’ve made your mind up to remain single and embrace what it is God intends for you, Satan pulls out all the winners.

Truth be told, I've met some incredible people since my divorce. Great, genuine guys, but at the end of the day I'm not ready.
Broken hearts don’t heal quickly, and pain lingers for a while.

It's hard when you know you aren't ready, but it does get lonely.
When the loneliness comes, it can be hard to stick to your guns.
Especially being a working single parent.
The day drags on, but once we're finally home before I know it 10 o'clock has rolled around and my toddler is still 90 to nothing.

I don't know how to function sometimes.
One second I think I have it all together, but then the slightest thing goes wrong and the weight of the world sits on my shoulders for a while.

I didn't think it'd be this hard when I left.
I thought, "I'm a mom. I was made for this, and I can do it all!"
Let's all laugh together.

I know it would be so much easier to have someone here with me to do the daily tasks that have run me ragged by the end of the week, but then how would I know strength?

Having a man around the house would be nice for those things that I need fixing every now and then, but isn't that what my landlord is for?

A maid, now that would be nice, but how would my baby girl ever learn to importance of keeping a clean home?

I was worried being alone was going to be my downfall. I was afraid I was never going to be able to give my little girl the family she deserved, but now I can see that together she and I make our own little family.

I have to learn who I am on my own.
I have to be whole or else I'll have nothing to give.

Bringing a man into this mess won't lessen my problems - honestly, it'd just add unneeded stress to an already stressful situation.
That is why I'm not ready.
It's not that I don't want to love or be loved.
It isn't that the people I know aren't wonderful.
I just know I can't handle the responsibility of a relationship right now.

And that is okay.....

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Why I Say No To Relationships

Broken hearts don’t heal quickly, and pain lingers for a while.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!