A high schooler once said, “Love sucks. Every relationship ends in fighting, heartbreak, and awkward eye contact when we have to see each other in public places.” This girl thought she would much prefer the hookup culture at college. While I respect other’s opinions and views on the subject of relationships versus one night stands, I can no longer see the appeal in giving your body up for one night to an individual and possibly never talking to them again. Here is why I have a problem with the “Hookup Culture.”
1. The romance is dead
When my parents were in college, my father used to write my mother little notes and pictures and slip them under her dorm room door. He would ask her to dinner or a concert and then kiss her at the end of the night. Flash forward 30 years and the most romantic thing girls receive today are texts asking to come “watch Netflix and chill.” Where has the romance gone? Why does my generation think it’s okay to “get to know someone” by getting him or her drunk at a party and asking to go upstairs. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone actually does do something romantic for once and he or she gets called “whipped” or “gay” for it. Since when is it cool to view someone who is catching feelings as weak or inferior? Last time I checked that person is probably way happier than the individual who wakes up in bed next to someone whose name can’t even be remembered.
2. Everyone wants to be loved (even those who deny it)
Perhaps the most basic human desire is our need to be loved and to have contact with other people. Given that we put such a high importance on the need to be loved, it is not shocking to say that a large determinant of our happiness is based on whether we feel that someone cares for us on an intimate level. To put this simply, each and every person has the capability to love and be loved, so why is it that my generation has such a hard time talking about our feelings? I know first hand that being in a relationship is far better than any hookup. A relationship allows two people to learn about each other, to share interests and talk about personal things. More importantly, a relationship not only gives you companionship but also a best friend who goes way beyond the bed sheets.
3. “We’re together...but we don’t have a label… and we are certainly not dating.”
What the heck does this even mean? This is my biggest issue with hookup culture- refusing to get seriously involved with someone. This is the trend I see amongst way too many girls on a college campus: girl meets boy, girl gives herself up to boy, boy doesn’t talk or text her ever again, girl cries when she sees boy with another girl at the next party. Now I am not saying that it is impossible, but very seldom do I see a girl who is able to be that intimate with a boy and then just not care if he never pursues her. I am also not saying that it is just girls because sometimes the boy catches feelings first. However, the point I am trying to make that if you want to get with the person again then just admit that it meant something to you. Also, if you are going to get upset over your “maybe partner” getting with other people than maybe you two should just go out… and by go out I mean actually go somewhere. If you are experiencing jealousy or a desire to be with that person again than chances are you probably like him or her. At this point, don’t make things more complicated. If you are together than be proud enough to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Trust me, it sounds way better than saying, “Oh we just get with each other in our free time.” Not only do you both sound confident but it also shows that you have great enough self-respect to only want one person to be intimate with.
The high schooler who once said, “Love sucks. Every relationship ends in fighting, heartbreak, and awkward eye contact when we have to see each other in public places”, was me. After my past relationships ended badly I swore I would never share my heart with someone again. I convinced myself that no one would ever gain my trust or truly understand me enough to actually date me. Then I decided to give my heart away again and I couldn’t be happier.
You are going to have heartbreaks in your life, probably multiple. Some may make you feel so sick from the dozen Ben and Jerry’s pints that you eat and some you will realize were toxic anyways. I challenge you to not be afraid to lend your heart to someone else. Don’t give in to hookup culture by telling yourself that the drunk boy or girl at the party can make you happy for just a few short hours. Love and be loved, go to the movies or out to dinner, allow someone to bring out the best version of you. The “hooking up” can wait, but the romance should always come first.
