For the last 22 years, since I have entered the world as a young girl, I have always hated my body. It did not matter what I wore, how well my makeup was put on, if enough fat was hidden underneath my clothing, I could not stand to look at myself in the mirror.

It felt like I was looking at a list of all the imperfections I could never make right.

All throughout my childhood I was constantly bullied for the way I look. I couldn't fit into the tween styles of Abercrombie, American Eagle or Hollister. I was too overweight to ever fit into clothing like that. I would always go into their stores, hoping something would be able to fit on my body without rolling up, being too snug, and uncomfortable. I'd go into the dressing rooms to try on clothes discovering all that I didn't want to happen came true. There were no sizes larger than XL, while even that was made smaller than what an XL should feel like. I wasn't into the latest fashions so I wore what fit. The bullies I had in elementary school and middle school made fun of me for not being thin or pretty like they were.

Voices in my head would repeat all the negative garbage they would say. I tried to pull the sounds out, but they remained. "Go eat with the cows", "Are you sure you need to eat that much?", "There are starving kids in Africa", "Look at the fat a*s eating all of that food", or "Shamu came out for lunch."

The memory that sticks out the most was when in sixth grade, a group of boys tried to throw Twinkies in my face because the assumption is that girls who are fat like Twinkies. My frustration and anger lead me to stuff one of those cakes into their faces and it should have given the hint to leave me alone, but it didn't.

Fun fact: I hated Twinkies then and I hate them now, but the feeling of not fitting in made me eat more and gain all of the pounds. I looked to food for comfort then, sadly I still do. I've been known to closet eat, I get too much food when I go out, I don't eat vegetables. There are a lot of factors all that have been my cause and effect.

I was maybe a size 14 in middle school and now as a fifth year senior in my undergraduate education, I land at somewhere near a 20 to a 22 size jean with XL-2X shirt. I have fluctuated in weight for the last three years. I lose weight, I gain weight, I stay the same weight.

And these changes haven't been for me; it's been to make everyone elsehappy. I have given permission for other people to judge my body and allow them to determine what I should think of myself.

This is not how its supposed to go.

I am the only one who can determine how I feel in my body. I am the only one who has to wake up in my body everyday. I am the only person who can choose if I feel, look, and am beautiful. It is not the job of other people to make me ever hate my body.

Yeah, there is a lot about my body I want to change and I am working on it. But I am sick of hating my body because someone else doesn't like it. I am not going to treat my body badly for someone else's satisfaction. I am not going to sit and cry blaming people for the size that I am. I am not going to hate my body, figure, and weight because someone has told me that is how its supposed to be.

Young girls are taught at a young age to hate their bodies, make it better with all of these products and advertised methods that end up not working. No one needs to go through that. People I love, the media, celebrities always talk about how women's bodies need to be, look, and feel. If that's the way it has to be, I want nothing to do with it. If I have a daughter, I am not going to teach her to hate hurt body, I am not going to tell her that she needs to look a certain way to please others, or that looks are more important than anything else about her. I want her to grow up in a world where individuality is praised and the traits that make us who we are does not allow someone else to take advantage of.

I am refusing to hate my body any longer. I have unlearned a lot of the lies I have been told throughout the year with still plenty to go. It's not an easy process, but I have come so far only to keep climbing higher. And I hope you do, too.