There are many things in our lives that society tells us to keep quiet about. Many times these are things that others are too afraid to talk about, even though so many people experience them. These are the "tough issues" that get avoided in class discussions, or get hushed when brought up at the dinner table. One of these "issues" that I refuse to be quiet about is my mental illness.

I have fought with depression for the better part of ten years now, but for so long, I thought I had to keep it a secret. I had no idea that so many others were going through the same thing as me. I tried so hard to be strong, to wade through the emotions as best I could. I found that while treading water seems easy at first, the longer you tread, the harder it gets. Depression will eat you alive, and make you feel like you are the only person on the planet who knows what you are feeling. Mix this with your typical pubescent hormone fluctuations, and you have a ticking time bomb. Try keeping the bomb silent and it only gets louder, and harder to cover up. So imagine 14-year-old me, fighting to keep myself afloat with this burden on my shoulders and this disease taking over my head. I am not sure how I got through, but I did.

Flash forward to now. I'm 20, I am in school, I have a job, and I'm still depressed. One major difference, though, is my ability to open up about my struggles and air my grievances in a positive and cathartic way. I speak freely about how I go to the mental health clinic in town, and how just last Thursday, I started taking antidepressants for the first time. People give me such odd looks sometimes, or they give me pity when I say I have an appointment with my counselor. People seem so shocked when I tell them about my depression because I'm "such a happy, outgoing person," or because I "don't seem depressed."

I don't want your pity; all I want is for you to know that I am smart, talented, funny, and social, even with a mental illness. I want you to know that I love myself for who I am, even after almost nine years of depression and anxiety. No matter what happens, I know that there is nothing wrong with me, and even if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to teach my children that it is normal to be sad and that they can talk about it.

My hope is that in future years, I will be able to speak about depression in my classroom so that my students know that if they are depressed, they can come to me, or that what they are feeling is completely normal. I also hope that if you are reading this and you are depressed, know that I am standing with you. I will be your voice if you cannot use yours. Let's work together to make noise, to yell and dance and tell the world that depression sucks, but that it's normal and that there is nothing wrong with us. We are beautifully imperfect products of our universe, and we shouldn't have to be quiet.