I grew up Catholic, went to church every week without a complaint, prayed, completed the required sacraments, and made sure to act righteously. In fact, I thought I possessed strong faith in God. I recently learned I did not have true, justified faith; instead, I had blind faith. My theology and philosophy classes forced me to learn about my religion and question what role, if any, God plays in my life. I desire to walk on a spiritual path and live a life with true rather than blind faith. Sometimes the only way one can do this is if they start to question God and their beliefs.

Every day, thoughts fly through my mind about religion and God. Do I truly believe what the Bible says? Do I believe there is one God? Do I call myself a Catholic because that is how I was raised or because I truly believe in the doctrine? I started to question why God created the world, why we are here, why He would create evil, why we must worship Him, and if God is absolute. After much pondering, I determined I will never get answers to these questions; but these questions will lead me on a path to connect my soul with the Divine. I want to develop a strong faith because if I develop a true relationship with the Divine, I will also connect with others on earth.

To me, religion serves as a pointer to the Divine. It can only help me develop a relationship with the Universe; it cannot be the relationship or force me to connect with God. The Divine/God/the Universe is transcendent and above my head. It seems impossible to figure out God, but I recently realized that life is not about figuring out God. The ultimate goal of life is to connect and live with something greater than myself. I believe that God lives and builds true love in every person.

Throughout the world, religion can divide people; but I believe that religion can and should unite the world. We each have different perspectives and experiences; ergo our view, relationships, and beliefs about God are bound to vary. The plethora of religions and the many followers of each make me realize that others feel so strongly about their faith; and since they devote themselves, there must be validity to their beliefs. I feel that God is who we make Him to be. His relationship with us possesses a relative nature, but He/the Universe is absolute truth. We believe what we want and need to believe. Our beautiful capability to choose what we believe should unite us. Even though our views differ, we all have the same goal: to make the world a better place. If that is achieved through steadfast beliefs or lack of religion, so be it. God/the Universe/the Divine will be pleased if we can solely radiate His/their love.

Every religion teaches beautiful virtues and represents God/the Divine/the Universe in a breath-taking way. The Quran speaks of love for all in verse 5:8, “And do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just.” Paul says in his Letter to the Corinthians, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13). The Hebrew Bible attests remarkable faith in God in Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me.” A verse in the Yajur Veda (A scripture of Hinduism) states that we can see ourselves in others when we love them, “The one who loves all intensely begins perceiving in all living beings a part of himself. He becomes a lover of all, a part and parcel of the Unviersal Joy. He flows with the stream of happiness, and is enriched by each soul.” Questioning my religion and beliefs incited me to read other religious texts and appreciate their beauty and grace.

My spiritual doubts serve me well because now I try to ground true faith in God/the Universe. Religion is phenomenal because we get to choose what we believe in. If we think that Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, any other religion, or no religion at all fits our lives, then we get to make that decision. The religion which moves us, comforts us, and motivates us to be the most kindhearted person we can be is the one that is right for us. No religion wins over another, but a specific religion can move and enlighten each person differently. We can use these differences to coexist, teach each other about ourselves, and support each other in their spiritual journey. Yes, I question God but my questions strengthen my faith and make me truly try to walk a spiritual pathway to the Divine.