We've all been there: you lose all your money in the stock market and then, to top it off, your pencil breaks. This is followed by the realization that your financial planner had invested all of your money in the pencil manufacturing company that had produced your faulty pencil. Life just doesn't get any worse. Most of us, when faced with such misfortune, decide to punch a hole through the wall in order to release any fomenting frustration or simply to stick it to the man. There are a few people, however, who choose not to punch holes in walls even when moderately provoked. I spent a few weeks living with a unique group of individuals who don't punch the wall when angered and here are a few things I learned.
The first thing I learned was that, when you punch through a wall, you have to pay for it. This is strange, considering the number of times I've broken down barriers and kept living my life with absolutely no consequences. My parents raised me with the assumption that every place of residence is inhabited by a tiny elf-like creature who fixes every hole that is formed from anger.
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As a child, my mother and I would sit on a table next to our fireplace and she'd read me fairytales about this creature (we sat on top of the table so that the little gremlin wouldn't nibble at our toes). You can imagine the dark night of the soul I experienced when my new friends told me that this fascinating creature does not exist. I was so infuriated that I nearly punched a hole in the wall, but I halted myself upon remembering that I would have to pay for the damage myself. So, naturally, I proceeded to Venmo my new friends the cash and then punch a prepaid hole in the wall. Responsibility.
Another thing I learned from my friends who don't punch holes in walls is that there are better ways to release anger. "You can go for a walk; you can dance; you can sing; you can even share a laugh with friends!" they told me. But these friends had their own interesting way of venting their vexations. Every Friday at 9:00 p.m. they would sit in a circle and listen to Aaron Carter's second album while drawing pentagrams with Lunchables pizza sauce. I thought it was a bit odd at first, but it sure beats punching the wall!
The first two lessons I learned, although important, come nowhere near the significance of the last lesson. The wonderful friends that I had the honor to meet told me that every problem in my life, no matter how grand or how trivial, can be blamed on the US government. Most of my former friends had wasted so much time punching walls that they didn't have any time left to create and distribute pamphlets about closed-door meetings, revolution, and collusion of the highest order.
They always say that your life path is determined by the people with whom you choose to surround yourself. Today, I can proudly say that I no longer finish sentences with prepositions or punch holes in walls. And above all, I know that when a stranger tells me to take a deep breath and count to ten, the revolution is about to begin.
