With basketball season approaching, I have been reflecting a lot lately on the reason why I still play the game. When I was younger, I tried playing just about every sport. As soon as I picked up a basketball in third grade, the rest was history. I fell in love with everything about the game immediately. I loved watching the ball go through the hoop, whether it was shooting in my driveway or in a game. One time my mom had to drag me inside after I had been shooting in the pouring rain for four hours straight and was caked in dirt. I also loved watching other people play basketball; most people would have called me a gym rat. As I reached high school, I dreamed of playing college basketball on a scholarship. I couldn’t imagine life without it.

Before my senior year of high school, I committed to play Division II basketball at Wayne State College in Nebraska. It seemed like a dream come true. I spent two years playing there but I slowly began to hate basketball. After making a decision to transfer to Bethel for my junior year, I couldn’t find a motivation inside of me to get in the gym to practice my shot or workout anymore, even though I knew I was going to continue to play at Bethel. I still loved watching basketball, but something was missing. Despite not having the greatest experience with the coach and team atmosphere, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t like it anymore. Why I didn’t feel the same passion I once felt. I thought to myself, maybe I am just supposed to be done with basketball. Maybe it’s time. These thoughts only stressed me out more. If people would tell me I didn’t have to play anymore, I would get defensive and think of course I do. I was mad at myself for not feeling the love for the game anymore.

When I arrived at Bethel for the fall semester, we had a team meeting. Our coach told us was that we were going to play basketball to glorify God and that our identity did not come in how we performed on the court, but rather who we are in God. That was exactly what I had been trained to do the last two years. My whole identity was rooted in how many minutes I got to play, how many points I scored, or if I could make it through the game without any turnovers. I felt like if I had a bad game, I was less of a person. If I shot poorly in a game, sometimes I would stay after for hours shooting. But instead of enjoying myself as I always had, there was a sense of anger in me. Every shot I would miss would just add to the anger. But I didn’t give myself credit for any of the shots I did make.

Throughout the summer, I worried about coming into Bethel and not being as good as expected or as good as I wanted to be. At our first open gym, I couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. I felt like I couldn’t make a shot and I was so out of shape. That night I felt very anxious and worried and had more thoughts about whether my time as a basketball player was done. I started to think about why I was pressing myself so much. I was still finding my identity in how I performed. I realized that my teammates didn’t value me for how I played; rather, they valued me for who I was off the court. I met with my assistant basketball to just talk about life and get to know each other. I shared my experiences and faith with her and she told me how much she loved getting to know me. What I didn’t realize right away until she told me was that she hadn’t seen me play a single game of basketball. What she saw in me had nothing to do with basketball; she actually truly cared about me, and my relationship with God and others.

I’ve always been very hard on myself in every aspect of my life, but who I am to God is not how talented I am at anything. Who I am to God is how I use those talents. How I use those talents to glorify Him. I play basketball because I love playing for God. Now I play because I want to share God’s love through this beautiful game and the people in it. I want to play the game in a way that makes people think wow, she plays for God and God is within her. Words cannot express how thankful I am and how excited I am to play the game with teammates and coaches who yearn to grow closer to God through basketball.