I love my dog. I know it seems silly to start an article with the sentence, “I love my dog,” but it’s true. I love spending time with him and playing with him because he's a huge derp and completely adorable.
But my dog also annoys the shit out of me.
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I get unreasonably angry and frustrated when he doesn’t do what I want him to do when I know he's capable of doing it.
I get angry because I realize I have no control.
I’ve been working for four months--the entire time I’ve had my nine month old puppy--to train him to walk nicely on a leash. Though he’s come a long way, he still won’t behave the way I want him to. I can try and try and try to make him behave, but he ultimately does whatever he has in his mind to do.
People are just the same. I love them to death, but they frustrate me to no end. They will come to me and ask for advice. I can try and try and try to tell them what the best course of action is, but they will still do what they want to do.
I can’t do anything to change this.
I think what damages most relationships is the idea that we have to be in control of our own lives and, if another person is going to be in it, they have to fall in line. We won't really love them otherwise.
I’m not saying by any means that we socially aware human beings consciously think this. If we did, we'd be ashamed to admit it.
But what do you think is happening when spouses can't agree on who does which chores? What's happening when boyfriend refuses to walk the dog or girlfriend refuses to put away her makeup?
It's a battle for control.
It sounds silly, but it's true. We want to be free to make our own choices and any force from the outside is met with resistance.
Yet we are completely prepared to pressure others into giving us what we want.
If we sat down to evaluate our actions on a daily basis, would we be mortified by how much of what we do is motivated by a desire to exert control over other people?
I think it’s something that we need to start thinking about.
A lot of millennials want to make big changes in the world and that’s great. Truly. But the biggest changes in the world can’t happen until we make big changes in ourselves.
We need to realize that we can't control everything, least of all other people. What authority do we have anyway to determine the course of someone else's life?
None. And if we think differently, we're just arrogant.
We can’t train others to walk on our leash or expect them to go in the direction we think they should. All we can do is give encouragement and evaluate ourselves.
Dogs get walked.
Humans should get love.
