The other day, I was in the library eavesdropping on a conversation behind me. Some might find that creepy, I consider it having an overarching curiosity for the human experience. Anyways, the girls were unanimously sharing their plight in the dating world. I was hearing things like, “Why are there no boys to date”, and “I’ll just wait until after college.” Ignoring the fact that their comments made me feel literally invisible, I contemplated the salient truth to their clamour.
If you’re in a relationship, then you have defied the odds. You’re one of the lucky ones. Actually I have no idea if you’re lucky. I don’t know anything about your relationship. For all I know, it could be inordinately toxic, and formulating emotional damage at this very moment. But I’m sure it’s great, and you go on picnics, and share personal thoughts and romantically tip toe into the vast world of adulthood together. But whether or not you want to be in a relationship, the odds are not in your favor.
Let’s start off with some simple statistics. At a small Liberal Arts college, let’s say there are about 2,600 students. Let’s say half of those, so 1,300, are men. Out of those 1,300 men about half are in your age range of dating. So now we are at 650 men. I'm generalizing here, but I'm going to say that about 8% of those 650 are not heterosexual. Now we are at about 600. Then we really start cutting down. Out of those 600 people, how many do you find attractive? Let’s be really generous, and say 100. One out of 6 guys look a certain way that falls under your specific standard of attractiveness. Out of those 100, how many will find you attractive? I’m not sure what you look like, Ms. Reader, but let's just go ahead and say you have this magnetic energy to you that appeals to many young men. Out of 100 men, we’ll say 75 find you attractive. Of those 75 boys, how many share the same priorities, interests, morals, and expectations you do? Let’s say 15, which is pretty high. Out of those 15 boys, about half are already in relationships from high school, college, and townies. That leaves you with seven or eight boys.
How do you find those seven or eight boys? During class? "Damn boy, I think we could really enjoy each other's company based on how you almost fall asleep during those lectures." At parties? Ya maybe… if you bring a megaphone. Alright, you see someone you want to speak to at a party but you can’t really say anything meaningful because:
- You’re not even sure they’ll remember the conversation
- It’s so loud, and they just keep saying, “What?!”
- you’re dumb and have nothing interesting to say
- they’re dumb and have nothing interesting to say
- You’re really sweaty.
At a small liberal arts college, large entities hold a monopoly on parties and other various social events, especially fraternities and sports teams. At a large state school fraternities, and especially sports teams hold no such monopoly. They do have a large impact, but students who are not affiliated with a specific organization can not only survive socially, but also thrive. At a small liberal arts college, there is a very small portion of students that are unaffiliated with a larger organization. They can’t really create their own parties and gatherings, because of the sheer numbers, as well as the fear of missing out from the two large things happening on campus that night. At a larger school, these independent students are able to have parties and informal events at their own off-campus apartments/houses. They don’t have to succumb to the pressure of missing out, because at a large school you are going to be missing out on something every night, regardless of what you are doing. The fear of missing out (FOMO) is less prevalent when you can’t even imagine how much you’re missing out on. The ability to have parties as an independent student, allow you to meet new people (members of the opposite sex),while making your weekends less routine. If you go to a small liberal arts college, chances are that you are going to the same place every weekend. It’s hard to meet someone when you’re surrounded by the same people every weekend.
It may be hard, but it’s not impossible. Let’s say you find an appropriate setting in which you can talk to said boy/or girl. Now your personalities have to align up that day. No one is their best self or even a presentable self every day. You could meet Mr. Right, but maybe you just watched a "Grey’s Anatomy" episode an hour before and you’re still torn up inside and can’t even hold a conversation. Hopefully, you’re able to see that person more than once.
There is also the obvious reason people don’t date. They don’t want to. They enjoy the single life. To some, it seems glorious, there’s no feelings, no commitment, just pure unadulterated fun. Some aren’t ready. Being in a relationship takes empathy, responsibility, and some sacrifices, which let’s face it; most people we know wouldn’t be adequate for.
Another hurdle is the “hook problem.” The basic idea is that everyone is on someone’s hook, and everyone has someone on their hook. These are people you will also have a thing for and they like the attention so they keep you around. Chances are someone is on your hook too. You can tell they’ve liked you for a while, but you don’t want to tell them it will never happen because you’re a nice person and it feels good to be admired. Being on someone’s hook is a problem because you tend to ignore the good opportunities right in front of you. You may be so caught up in the hopes of being with this person, that when someone great comes along, you didn’t even notice.
So if you’re feeling down about being single, keep doing so because the odds aren’t getting any better. You made an unintentional choice to trade a love life for an interdisciplinary liberal arts education. It’s a challenging process that’s based off of selectivity and fate. That’s the beauty of it, though: defying the odds. When you do find someone, they’ll be really worth holding onto because you were lucky enough to find them. It’s almost romantic.
