Since I was little, I was never scared by the idea of dying. In fact it almost intrigued me. I grew up wanting to know what it would feel like to die, then come back to life, and that has never really changed, but I think that mindset played a big role in who I am today.
To me, when I lose someone I care about, I have always been a believer that they stay with me, and help me when things seem the worst. This is generally based on associating inanimate objects or small animals with the loved ones that passed. For example, to me and my family, we see my great grandmother as a red cardinal, or a found dime on the street. These seemingly simple objects to other people are nothing of any importance, but to me and y family, we cherish their sight and I personally collect all the dimes I find out on the street to remind myself just how often she is with me.
After losing my great grandmother in the 6th grade, I began to wonder how life would go on without me. Losing her was never easy, and after taking her name as my confirmation name, I finally felt connected to her in a way that no one else was; like she was a part of me. Looking back, I think that was one of my greatest decisions I’ve ever made. No matter where I go I know I have her with me, and I believe she shows me that she’s there when I feel like I’m most alone.
If dying means being associated with something, I think I’d like to be paired with the full moon. It's dark and unknown atmosphere is somewhere I long to be and explore. In these associations we make with those who have passed to just about anything, why is there still a fear of what is next? If these things even do have the slightest part of those who have passed, nothing is to be feared. You will be with your family and loved ones at all times, showing them that you are there.
A good friend once told me “In death comes a far greater responsibility than in life”. I never understood what she meant until recently. In death, you have to keep up with the good and bad days of everyone you have ever loved, and be there when they truly need it most, while in life you are mainly focused on your own life. Death and dying is not something I fear, nor have I ever, but now I know why.
