I remember sitting in my 6th-grade computer class filling out one of those required "What Career Should You Do" test. I remember going through my head of wanting to be a veterinarian, a chemist, a biologist and even a contortionist at one point. When I finished the test it gave its recommendations of what it thought I would do best at in the future. What program can guess what an 11-year-old would be good at in 10 years?
Though I do not remember much anymore what all the different possibilities it gave me, I do remember it saying, forensic scientist. I thought it sounded cool, so I began to research it more, that was when I came across forensic pathology. I am not sure how normal it is for an 11-year-old to want to perform autopsies for a living, but my heart was stolen by this profession. The more and more I researched it, the more I fell in love with the job and what it entails. I loved puzzle games, and to me, this job was just one big puzzle every day.
From there, I began researching everything I needed to do to become a forensic pathologist. I started looking at different colleges and even medical schools. I learned about the medical entrance exam, the MCAT. I immediately signed up for the MCAT question of the day and proceeded to try to answer college-level biology, chemistry and physic questions. I even attended a pre-med camp when I was in the 8th grade. High school was a blur. I took all advanced classes, every AP class offered, as well as participated in every major club. I graduated the top of my class and earned a scholarship that paid for the majority of my school. This was mostly because it allowed me to save up some money for medical school.
My whole life became revolved around becoming a forensic pathologist; I thought nothing could change that about me. My heart, mind, and soul were dead set on achieving this in my life no matter what it took.
Then, I started college at Troy University as a Biomedical Science major. The fall semester of my freshman year, I took 17 credits (I was, and still kind of am an overachiever). I made it through that semester with a 3.6 GPA, so I was thoroughly pleased. It was not until my sophomore year that things began to change. Classes started to become challenging, and I started to self-doubt and become depressed. I felt worthless. My relationship was failing, my grades were falling, I felt like my chest was caving in. I started cutting myself off from many of the things I enjoyed that kept me sane.
Then...I made my first C ever. I went through all my high school making straight A's. I made some B's my first year of college, but I never thought I would see a C on a transcript. My mind began to race, stressing over every little detail of my life and how I let it come to this. I was starting to become self-destructive because I did not think I could ever reach my dream now. I never planned for a plan B. I became obsessive. I would find myself Googling "Can I get into medical school with a C" over and over and over and over, until one day I snapped back into reality somehow.
I did not want to continue to succumb to this. I knew I was better than this and deserved more than this in my life. I began instead looking at different career options I have with my major. I realized I have so many options that are not just surrounded by having to go to medical school. While I am looking into going into academia or research now, I am still looking at other possibilities. I do know I am going to get my Master's for now. For the first time, I have a plan A, B, C, and D.
I find myself happier and enjoying my time in my classes now. I am doing much better in my classes, I have found a friend group and am in a happier relationship. I have even come to peace with myself. I can accept failure more and am enjoying life for the first time in years. I'm not going to medical school anymore, maybe that was what was meant to happen. Maybe it was never what I truly wanted. All I know is that I am starting to step in a new direction for my future and I have never been happier.
