Even as I have grown up, moved out of my parents' houses and have had time to heal, I am still "dealing with" my parents' divorce. There are many times when I find myself thinking that I am over it, but the truth is, there are just as many times when I think back on it and remember that I am not.
When I think about being married in the future, I look to my parents as examples. Good examples and bad examples. My parents had so many times when they laughed, talked and flirted. I remember these times with a rosy glow around them. My dad used to leave my mom love notes all over the house, clean the entire house before she got home from work and plan family movie nights. My mom put off her career and stayed at home with us kids. She showed her love for my dad is subtle ways, like driving for him when he was tired or attending big work parties that she didn't necessarily wish to go to. But the bad examples were there too, the worst example being giving up.
Giving up in a marriage causes controversy. Giving up can be seen as a good thing, because it takes two unhappy people and gives them a way out. Giving up can mean getting away from an abusive spouse or standing up for one's self. When I say giving up, I am not talking about those who's lives were in physical or mental danger. If someone was being abused or contemplating killing themselves because of their spouse, I believe that is more than enough reason for divorce. When I say giving up, I mean not having the resilience to bounce back and complete those marital vows.
Never being married before, I do not fully know the complexities of a marriage that reside beneath the surface. However, when I think about my future marriage, I want to be as fully prepared for "forever" as I can possibly be. That includes addressing "giving up." Things get hard, people disagree and everyone gets tired. The most difficult thing may be seeing your partner show complete apathy for you. You might return that apathy. But I will not allow that apathy, that feeling of giving up, to break a promise I make before my husband, family, friends and God. I am not afraid of hard work when it comes to my future marriage. I fully expect it. And when the challenge arises, I pray that my family, friends and God hold me accountable for my own actions and that I can rise to the occasion.
My parents did what they believed was best for them, and I know that. They are still my role models in life, and I still look up to them. They are imperfect however, like every human. I hope I can take the lessons I learn from them, and apply to them to my future marriage.
