I always had boyfriends.
Upon moving to Oshkosh, I was surprised to discover that girls naturally flocked around other girls, and guys formed groups, and called each other "bro". This was all new to me. I came to Oshkosh from a city in southern Wisconsin called Kenosha; in this city I attended a small tech, charter school. I loved it there. All my life, I have embraced my nerdy mind, and was scared to death of attending a larger, public high school, where I knew smart people were weird people. And so I attended a school where I could be myself in a setting of people just like me - people with a desire to geek-out. As a result of my decision, I spent my high school days in a school made up of about 60% guys, half of whom hid behind a DS throughout the day and only looked up when Star Trek was referenced. The other half of the guys were outgoing intellectuals. Overall, I couldn't have felt more at home while at school.
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I quickly surrounded myself with a group of friends, made up of mostly guys. I never thought much of it. Never being attracted to any of these guys made it easy to become close to them, and treat them like brothers. As I look back on my high school experience from where I stand now in my current friend groups, I can remember my life feeling at ease and extremely natural. Guys aren't as intimidating as girls. Guys are stupid-funny, made me laugh, and treated me like a sister. And it was far easier (and still is far easier) to befriend men as opposed to women. I can talk to a guy without getting nervous, thinking about my next move, or stumbling on my words. This was the personality I was born with, and I enjoy this to an extent. The downside of my relations with guys have been that my friendly nature is mistaken for flirting. This results in relationships, or even just crushes, that are always one-sided.
Having girlfriends has always frightened me. As a child in elementary school, I always felt the need to impress girls to make friends. Nowadays, that remains somewhat true as I enter adulthood. Regardless of this, I've come to the realization in college that making girl friends is important. While having the ability to comfortably socialize with guys will always be a great attribute, girls offer a type of friendship that a guy sometimes can't provide. Girls can form bonds that are unbreakable no matter what. They can build one another up and support each other, simply because they can relate to the common issues at hand. We are plagued with problems everyday that other girls have endured days before us. I tended to allow my fear of being close to girls rule out friendships in my life. Since coming to school here at UWO, I've had the privilege of becoming close to many amazing girls, who not only share my same system of beliefs, but also care about me and my well-being in the deepest of ways. I can honestly say that I'd never experienced that type of love before coming to college.
Becoming more comfortable around girls is something I'll always be working on improving. I will always find it easier to communicate and relate to a guy rather than a girl. However, I know that in the long run, having a balance of both guys and girls in my life is necessary. Guys will always be there to make me laugh, get me excited about nerdy topics, and tell me I'm special to them. But girls will give me a friendship I need to continue living my life to it's fullest, pursue my hearts passions, and take leaps of faith where In ever thought I could. I never had girlfriends; but after making the friends I have so far, and experiencing what it's like to be loved in a brand-new way, I know I want to continue making more.
