We live in a nation consumed by sports. Whether it is your father's favorite baseball team since the '80s, your cousin's college volleyball team, your sister's high school track team, or your son's little league squad, you have a sports program that you will support no matter what.
That team is the best team in its league and if it clearly isn't, then it is going to be next year! Fans across the nation show unwavering support for their side and in the process, become insanely biased and threaten their opposition with fights in the parking lot or a vicious string of comments in a chatroom.
Here are some of the most common reasons why "My Team Is Better Than Yours."
1. We beat you last time!
That's right! We beat your asses last year! And this year, both teams are the exact same. They will display the exact same skills under the exact same conditions because neither team got better or worse. I take that back. Obviously, we got better and you stayed at the sucky level you were at last time around.
2. We have this new guy!
And he is sooo much better than your old guys. In a team sport, they are going to single-handedly beat your team while playing all positions in the entire time without breaks.
3. We beat that team that beat you!
YEAH! You know that team that beat you six weeks ago when your star player was hurt? We just beat them! Clearly, we are superior to you now.
4. We have won (insert # here) championships since (insert year here)!
Yes, those four championships we won in the 1950s make us better than you today. Our trophies are shinier and we have more of them. It doesn't matter if it was before World War II. Because our trophies are older than yours, we win.
5. You cheated!
That one time where your player broke a minor rule and the referee didn't see cost us the whole game. Anything that happened after that was completely irrelevant and in no way affected the outcome of the game because those five seconds your person cheated soiled it.
6. Our uniforms are cooler!
We have five different but equally obnoxious, gaudy, and ridiculous jerseys that also glow in the dark. We spent money on our sports programs jerseys rather than a new and improved student-athlete study center. Anyway, your jerseys are lame. And you know how it goes. Look good? Play good. Even though that's grammatically incorrect.
7. You want to fight about it?
Oh, you want to challenge my claim? How about I take you one on one?! Because if I can beat you up, that means my team is better than your team, even though neither of us are on either team and are only skilled in the arts of heckling and drinking. I'm willing to spend a night in jail for my team. Are you?
8. Because my team is my team and your team is your team.
Everybody sucks but us.
