With no explanation, your heart is torn to shreds. You never thought you'd feel this bad, and you don't even know why you should feel this bad. But you do.
You cry, you sob, you don't go out with your friends, you don't smile and you lay in bed all day. Your playlists are full of sad songs. Your phone becomes a prison. You can't even pick it up because it contains a record of your entire time with him – the pictures you took laughing together, him kissing you and all of the messages that tell the story of your relationship from beginning to end.
You go through the motions of work with a heavy heart, wear makeup to conceal the dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep and don your ugliest clothes (not that you own any, but…).
Guys ask you out, and it only makes the pain worse. If they want you, then why doesn't he?
Your friends wonder what's wrong with you. This is so out of character for you. You never let a guy do this to you. You never take it that seriously or allow yourself to feel this much pain, and you never get that attached that fast.
You never depend on a guy for your happiness, but it was different this time. You don't understand it yourself. You hate yourself for letting him pull you in, for letting him make you care and for letting you want more.
And in your most vulnerable and darkest moments, even when you know you shouldn't, you text him and you tell him you miss him. He says he doesn't know what to say. You say goodbye. It hurts all over again.
Then one day, a glimpse of sunlight comes through the crack in your curtains. You finally come to terms with it. It's over. You will never be with him again — not ever. There is nothing you can do about it. You did nothing, it wasn't your choice and you know you didn't deserve it.
What really was so great about him anyway? You think of all of the reasons you should be glad that's he's gone and all of the reasons you deserved better. You don't even know why he was worth all of those tears in the first place. It's good you aren't with him anymore.
You look in the mirror at your tear-stained face, and you know you are lovable. You know you are worth it, you know he lost something important and you know you deserved better.
So, you get out of bed. You slowly pick yourself up, dust yourself off, put different songs on your playlist and put on a cute outfit — one you never wore for him. You force a smile on your face and you walk out the door. You go out with your friends, you flirt with the guys that once asked you out but you ignored, you grind with a stranger at the nightclub, and you even sneak in a laugh or two.
You are finally feeling more like yourself, and your friends are relieved and can stop worrying about you. You survived, and you are ready for whatever is going to come.
But you weren't ready for this.
He texts you.
Yes, he really texts you.
You have come so far, but in that instant, you are back at the beginning. Your heart skips a beat. You try to catch your breath, but you can't breathe. You feel like you are falling into a dark abyss.
What do you do? You know you should never answer. You should run the other way. You should never, ever answer that text.
"Hi," you text back.
He says he misses you and wants to get together for coffee. You set a date and time.
You spend hours getting ready to see him. And before you're ready to walk out the door, he cancels with a good reason and says he's sorry.
He never texts you again.
You don't know what to think or how to feel. But the tears under your eyes tell all.