When we first moved to New Jersey, I was barely a year old and my family was a lot smaller. It was just me, my Mom, my dad, and my older brother Gabe. But my mom’s sister also moved in with us to help her raise me and my brother. Even though she was my aunt, Zia Rosa has and will always be like a second mother to me. Not having children of her own, she always treated us as if we were her own children.

As I reflect on my childhood and how I came to be as a person, I give her a lot of credit in how I turned out along with my mother. She has had such an impact on my life and I know I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for her. Even though she is my aunt, she will always be my second mother. My first words as a baby were actually Zia Rosa.

A lot of my earliest and happiest memories of my childhood revolve around her, whether it was drawing, listening to Italian music, etc. Her and my mother both raised me growing up and it was like growing up with two moms. My mom was the one who gave me both love, discipline and other important values while Zia Rosa was both a mother and a friend.

Both being from Sicily her and my mom brought a lot of their Italian heritage with them and I was the one who absorbed it more than either my brother or my sister later on. Most kids I know will say they grew up listening to the likes of Green Day, Bruce Springsteen and others. I am not like most kids and I grew up listening to the likes of Eros Ramazzotti, Nek, Laura Pausini and others. I know what you’re thinking, who are these people? Every time someone asks me who did you listen to growing up? It is always the same answer and the same reaction. Why haven’t you heard of these names?

It is because they are all Italian artists. When you grow up with a mother and an aunt from Sicily you are bound to pick up some aspects of Italian culture. And to answer your next question, no I did not (and to this still do not) understand what they are singing about. I have translated some of the songs now that I am older and some of them I understand a bit more but I never fully comprehended them like my mom or Zia would. But that did not matter to me because whenever Zia put one of her CD’s on it always made me smile and listening to the music always made me happy.

In particular, the album titled, Dove c'è musica (Where is the Music) by Eros Ramazzotti has stuck with me the most. This was the definitive album that made me fall in love with Italian music and to this day it is my favorite album. I remember on car rides when I was little asking Zia to put it on or even when we were just sitting around the house asking her to put it on. I cannot explain why it stuck with me so much back then. I can definitely say that it sticks with me now because it always reminds me of the simpler times, of my childhood and of my time with Zia Rosa. Every time I drive and a song from that album comes on it always makes me smile and feel like a little kid all over again. I even went back as I was writing this piece and listened to it to get that same feeling that I got as a child.

When she lived with us, she used to sleep in the room that is now my sister’s room. I remember the days of just going into her room anytime, just to sit around and play. I remember bring my stuffed Barney toy and I would just play in her room for hours. I remember her little sketch table where she would draw all of her designs for houses and buildings. Being an architect back home in Italy, she would always have her drawings laying around her room. I remember one day sitting in her room with my stuffed Barney and she suddenly came up to me and said, “Bello, can I have Barney for a bit?” I was puzzled by this request but because she was Zia I trusted her with my purple companion.

I looked over and saw her sketching something on her paper and soon when she was done she revealed to me a hand drawing of the purple dinosaur himself. I remember how amazed I was at the drawing, “That’s Barney Zia that’s Barney! I want to draw Barney!!” Then she sat me up on her lap and taught me how to draw my own Barney. It was after that day that I realized my love and hobby for drawing.

After that, I remember drawing on everything whether it be a napkin, a paper towel, toilet paper, and of course paper. I drew whatever caught my eye whether it being a cartoon character, a plant, a toy, anything you name it I probably drew it. I remember my family being amazed by my drawings and how well they came out. They used to always tell me how talented I was and I remember that made me want to draw even more. I remember sometimes asking Zia to draw something for me and then go draw it myself to see how it looked compared to hers. It was never as good in my eyes but she used to always tell me how great it was and how I was really good at drawing.

I remember when I started school I would try to show off to the other kids and show them my drawing abilities and they were always impressed by it. I remember later on in life taking art classes and having a lot of fun with it. But as I grew older it seemed to become less fun for me. I remember at one point losing total confidence in my work and eventually gave it up. To this day she still tells me that and always asks me why I don’t do it as much anymore and I honestly don’t know why I did.

When she lived with us, I always had someone to play with and someone to talk to whenever my mom was too busy. While I know that people do not and should not pick favorites, I always believe that I am her favorite out of me and my siblings. While part of me knows that that is not entirely true, the way she treated compared to the others always gave me that feeling. Growing up as sensitive as I was, I could easily be upset by something and she would always know how to cheer me up. Growing up as the shy middle child, it can be very easy to get lost in the shuffle.

At family parties, I tended to hide away from everyone and just stay off by myself until Zia would come over sit me on her lap and make me part of the party. When my sister was born, I remember fearing that I would grow to be ignored and forgotten as all the spotlight would go on the baby. A common mindset for a young middle child of course but I did think that way and I remember fearing I would be forgotten once the new baby came.

But my aunt never let me feel forgotten. She always found time to play with me, to talk to me and even if she was taking care of my sister she would bring me over and help her out. She always made me feel like I was someone special and never ignored me no matter what was going on. She has always gone out of her way for me and it is because of that I started to break out of my shell as the shy child.

My shyness has also been an easy weakness of others to see and take advantage of. I always had trouble speaking up but when Zia Rosa lived with us, it was different. I was more outgoing with others. I hung out with more of the neighborhood kids and went out and played more. Part of that I have to give credit to Zia, because she always reminded me of how special I was and how I should never let others get to me. But once she left, I started listening to what others said and soon my confidence began to wane.

Once I reached middle school and high school, I was always looked at and judged as that weird quiet kid. People often took my quietness for weirdness. They would look at me and think there was something wrong with me. But when Zia was around, she always told me to embrace who I am. I was an easy target for bullying, and thankfully it never got serious or physical, but it still showed. People often talked down to me like I was an alien from another planet. Zia made me feel like I belonged, not an alien.

By the end of high school and beginning of college, I did begin to grow out of my shell and became more outspoken, but there was always that little hint of shyness that seemed to always stick with me. Don't get me wrong, I have gotten better when it comes to talking to people and meeting new people, but that first step in simply introducing myself is always the hardest.

But my shyness not only affects me when it comes to strangers; it affects me when dealing with the ones that I am close to. I have, and always have, had a hard time being open with my emotions. I have a hard time telling people how I really feel about them, just because I am always afraid of how they will react, and I always assume the worst possible thing.

The biggest thing I learned from Zia Rosa was how to treat people. I remember watching her around everyone being so sweet and so giving to others and saw how everyone loved her for that, including myself. She was always there to give me a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, someone to make me feel better when I was down and someone to always put a smile on my face. If someone ever needed help with something she would drop whatever she was doing to go and help them and she never once asked for anything in return.

That always struck a chord with me and I remember wanting to always be like her. Someone everyone looked at and admired just for how nice and giving they were. She was and is still a role model for me today. I always try my best to give to others. I always try to be that person who anyone can talk to about anything without asking for anything in return. I remember sometimes my mom calling her too nice for her own good and that also stuck with me.

At the time, I did not know what she meant by it but now that I am older I know exactly what she meant. My mom says the same about me to this day and always tells me “You got that from Zia Rosa, you’re both too nice for your own good” I used to always get angry hearing this but once I had my own experience of being taken for granted and being taken advantage of by others I soon realized my mother was right.

After hearing stories of how one of my cousins and their family constantly give her trouble for every little thing. Or how she helped design and build one of our other relatives houses and then got paid a lot less than she deserved. But I have learned from my experiences that all we can do is just treat others the way we want to be treated and even if they don’t want to give it back then it is their loss not ours.

I have learned to still give to others but not always put them first. I have had experiences where others have taken advantage of my giving nature. I have had people who I thought were my friends use me to better themselves and then toss me aside once I was no use to them anymore. I have had people constantly ask for favors and while I am always willing to give a helping hand it can be a bit much. My family gives me a hard time whenever I do a favor someone like driving my friend John to work because he didn't have a car.

I have given people an ear to listen to all of their problems and life stories and then when the time came for them to reciprocate, they just ignored me. I still like helping people and giving to others because I remember how great it felt growing up having Zia do that for me and I love making other people feel that way because it makes me feel just as good and makes me feel like I am making her proud. To this day I always strive to be as great of a person as her and even though I am not a big fan of dealing with people when I do deal with them I always act the way Zia would.

When we went on vacation that summer to Italy, I was so excited to go. All the fun me and Zia would have with the rest of my family, the trips to the beach, the food, the late night ice cream runs, everything. And it was a fun trip until the day we left. On mornings we would have breakfast of granita (Italian ice) with a brioche. Sometimes she and I would go out and together early in the morning to pick up the big tray of granita. I was always her assistant when it came to helping her with anything. Whether it was a trip to the grocery store, a run to get food, or even just cleaning out the garage, I was always the first one there to help her. Our trips to the beach were always a fun time.

The water always felt so nice and whenever we went and the day always ended with a trip out for some ice cream. Sometimes we would go out to the deli for lunch and have amazing sandwiches. Back when I was lot younger, I did not always appreciate how beautiful and amazing those trips really were and now looking at it, I can honestly say they were some of the best trips of my life and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Yes, there were some moments that weren't always fun like the days when we had nothing to do but sit around and watch MTV (the only channel that was somewhat in English) but even with the less fun days, it is still a memory I will never trade for anything. It's been a long time since I've last been to Italy. The last two summers my parents have gone without me and since then I have been pining to go back and really take in the beauty that is Sicily.

The day we left that house in Italy and I had to say goodbye to Zia was a big change in my life and a lesson that I would never forget. Cherish the ones dearest to you and also cherish the time you have with them. I remember I became a different person that day and that happy little boy turned into a lonely boy who kept to himself. I had friends and the rest of my family don’t get me wrong but I never felt the same connection with them that I had with Zia Rosa. It became very hard for me to open up to others.

I still have a hard time really trusting people today because I always have that feeling that once I get really close to someone, they're going to leave me. But I have become more open to others like my best friends but at the same time I still have that same fear in me. It’s hard to put into words how much she means to me but I can say she is one of the best people I know in this world. She has a heart of gold and would do anything for you whether you were family or a complete stranger.

She is someone who I will always strive to be like and someone who will always have special place in my heart. Whenever I am around the ones I care about I always let them know how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them. From what I've been through, I am now a strong believer that you should always let the people you love know how much you love them every chance you get. She still calls us every now and then, she comes to visit whenever she can and she even uses Facebook now to keep in touch with us. She's even staying with us right now for Christmas and staying for a few months.

I know that now that I have the opportunity, I am going to spend as much time with her as I can. She is the only person who can make me cry every time I have to say goodbye to her and I am not ashamed to admit that. And while I still miss her and wish she still lived with us the one thing she told me when she left was, “No matter the distance we will always love each other and will always be together in our hearts” I still believe that today, no matter where she is and where I am she will always be my second mother, and one of the most important people in my life.