**Small Spoilers**

Almost two years ago, I was in a residential treatment center. I was depressed and wanted to hurt myself. This center made me feel miserable. We were allowed to use razors and we were not forced to eat. So ultimately, I wasn’t getting better.

A few days in at this treatment center, I was told I could either go to the wilderness in Vermont or Hawai’i. They made me feel like I had the opportunity to choose my fate, but two days later, I was boarding a plane with my aunt, my nana, and my therapist to the island of Hawai’i.

I was very scared. I was at the lowest point in my life emotionally, and I was not ready to change my life. My depression, anxiety, and anorexia were my identity, and my self-harm was my crutch to get through life.

When I first arrived at this center, it was nighttime and they took me to a bathroom to make me change because now I would be wearing their clothing. My first memory of this place is seeing a giant Cane Spider the size of my face (which was not fun because I am terrified of spiders). I went to bed terrified of what the next few months would bring.

My first couple weeks in the wilderness were rough — I wouldn’t eat or leave my hale (home/shelter). Once I started integrating with my community more, I realized that my happiness was where I was. I started eating, living off the land, and spending time with my community. I would harvest the fruits and vegetables that we grew and bring them to the local farmers market, where I got to try new foods and meet new people. I got to visit Punalu'u, the black sand beach and swim with sea turtles.

One of my friends in the wilderness was a native Hawaiian. He told us “I believe that the islands choose you.”

Ever since I have left the islands, I have felt a little lost and empty. It’s the only time that my heart has felt 100 percent full. Everywhere I look I see references to Hawai’i and my friends and family associate me with Hawai’i — whenever they see something related to the islands they will let me know or buy the item for me. I've also already been considering going back at any chance I can get.

When I heard Moana was coming out I was very excited. The passion and fire inside me were reignited, and I was excited to finally connect with the islands again.

Watching the movie, I felt whole again. I was reminded to always go with the flow and to appreciate nature and all that we receive from it. I connected with Moana's grandmother, Tala, because she was connected to the islands and believed in their magic. She sparked a curiosity in Moana that was sparked in me when I was in Hawai'i. The curiosity that feeds the roots of my happiness.

It reminded me of where I set my roots and where my life changed. I was reminded of how far I’ve come since hitting rock bottom. It inspired me to work very hard to achieve enlightenment and the life I’ve dreamed of. The ocean chose Moana, while the islands chose me and chose me to give me the place where I could change my life for the better.