I hate this. I hate that we all have to move forward without you. I hate that I have to be missing you instead of being around you. My life just isn't the same knowing you're not out riding in your truck, ripping pipes, throwing a baseball, going on fire calls, or just raising some hell. Trust me, I know you're still doing all of these things, just in heaven now. So far away. Without a phone for me to text or call you on to see how much fun you're having. I find happiness though knowing that you're safe, that you're home, and that you're back with your papa that I know you missed so much.

Someone like you is impossible to not miss so much. You were one of a kind. You were amazing. You were just you.

That smile.

It was BEAUTIFUL. It still is beautiful. I still picture it in my head. If you ever smiled at anyone, they had no choice but to smile back. It was that contagious! No one could stay mad at you either because once you brought that smile out, they'd end up giving in and they're back to smiling at you. I'll never forget that smile.

That laugh and voice.

They play repeatedly in my head daily. Your laugh is music to my ears. Your voice is different but it's so cute. I constantly hear your voice saying, "What up, fam" or "We're coming to Longwood", in my head over and over. I'll never forget that laugh and voice.

The memories.

I have too many memories with you to not miss you so much. You helped me through a really hard time in my life. And I'll forever be grateful. You were my first real boyfriend. I remember the first time we ever hung out outside of school. We went to the haunted cabin and it was awkward because we were young and nervous to even hold hands. You sang "One in a Million" to me by Hannah Montana that night as we were squished in the back seat of the truck. I remember when we went to ride four wheelers that one time and Beav hit a rut and everyone thought it was so funny. When we went bowling and you ended up with the name "Bolt" and I ended up with "Smmr". The times when we were too young to hang out outside of school so we hung out at basketball games after I finished cheering. When we went to the Christmas parade together. Accidentally breaking Dylan's recliner while watching Ladder 49. All the baseball memories. Watching you go to prom and graduate high school. The after prom party when the cops showed up and we were all acting like we were asleep in the back room. Lake days. When we were at the beach and threw all the furniture in the pool and almost got us all kicked out and then the old couple found all of us when we were about to go walk on the beach to try to chase crabs and you told them they "weren't Teresa Osborne" so they couldn't tell you what to do. All the party memories.Greek week. All the times you stayed at Longwood or just came up to hang out and get Bdubs. I could go on and on with memories that I will always cherish. I will never forget them.

You're unforgettable, Colton.

Missing you is so hard when I have so many memories and thoughts of you. It's hard moving forward. It's hard letting go. I'll probably will never fully let go. I'll just let God do what he has planned. I already know we'll meet again. I already know that I'll see that smile, hear that laugh, and hear that voice again. Until then, I'm going to live like you.

"I may not see you, but I can feel you."

I love you and miss you, baby boy. Forever in my heart and by my side.