A man holds the door for you. What do you say?

Do you say “thank you” and continue on, or are you angry? Is this a man’s way of telling you you’re incapable of something, or do you appreciate the small gesture as a sign of respect?

What if I told you that no possible answer could save that man from being subjected to scrutiny? That every day, just as females are susceptible to criticism and unfair stereotypes, men face similar criteria. If a man doesn’t hold the door for you, he’s a d*ck, or at least somebody who doesn’t know how to properly treat a “lady.” Now, in 2016, with the growing attention we witness to gender equality and feminism, if a man does hold the door for you—that’s sexist. It’s sexist because that man’s simple action demonstrates his preconceived notion that since you are female, you cannot do it for yourself. If a man pays for dinner; he is presuming he has greater ability to pay for the meal in some sense. The things I’ve grown up knowing as chivalry are now viewed as merely the idea of men being greater than women integrated into norms and actions. The things that at age 16 helped me distinguish between the type of boy I could bring home to my mother and that would respect me, and the type of boy who would not.

I am extremely grateful to be living in a time period where feminism is growing. The idea that women aren’t treated equally to men is finally perpetrating in our society with much tension and support. History shows how women have never truly been equal to men, and I am thankful we are combating the ideas of general female inadequacy. But within this battle, we have created more stereotypes, more labels, and more double standards: only for the opposite sex.

Men are cursed for sexualizing women. We blame them for the sexualization of women’s bodies, breasts, and purposes of both. But don’t women play a part in this? Shouldn’t I be able to express my sexuality without knocking a man down for viewing me this way? Example: porn. We constantly discuss the objectification of women in porn. But aren’t women the ones “objectifying” ourselves if this is so? Don’t you have to sign some sort of consent form or another when being filmed having sex? I’m sure you do, and I’m sure every woman pornstar out there isn’t being held at gunpoint to do so. But yet, we blame men for this objectification. We read magazine articles labeled “15 Sexiest Torsos of 2016″ with pictures scrawled of shirtless men. Can you imagine reading a magazine of the “15 Sexiest Breasts of 2016?” with a close-in shot of each woman’s chest? It would be insanity, sexual harassment, and objectification. But it’s OK for us to admire the sexualization of a male’s body? Sorry, but this is not how feminism, the “fight for gender equality” should work.

Men are blamed for making women feel inadequate. Back to the chivalry. If a man offers to help you with something heavy—let’s say a box at work—he is insinuating you do not have the strength to complete your task. This is how “chivalry perpetrates sexism and gender inequality.” Women are now wanting to run from the “damsel in distress” ideal. But what’s so wrong with being saved? I am a strong and independent young woman, I have thoughts of my own I’m not afraid to share. But other parts of me are weaker, and these parts sometimes want to be saved. By someone bigger, stronger, wiser—or someone who at least makes me feel so. If I feel myself as equal to a man, I shouldn’t mind being protected and taken care of in certain ways. Isn’t that what our fathers did for us? And isn’t the most admirable man in a girl’s life usually her father?

I do understand the sexist theory behind chivalry, I truly do. But I don’t agree with it. I don’t agree because in this day, I think we are able to find balance. I think we are intelligent and educated enough in 2016 to dissipate gender inequalities while remaining true to our “traditional” ideals in a sense. Maybe these ideals are outdated, that a man serves as a protector and provider. I don’t believe it’s a man’s “duty” to provide financially for his family—no, I am up to this task as well—but it is his duty to provide comfort. When somebody breaks into a home, puts a family in danger, men take charge. Not because women can’t, but because men are innately motivated to do so. In situations like this: yes, I will let a man protect me and my family. And if that’s wrong of me as a girl, as a feminist, so be it. Because the entire point of feminism is to express our wants and desires as women without scrutiny.

Men are beautiful beings, created physically stronger than women, with different senses and innate qualities. We should respect and celebrate these qualities as we strive to do with women: not knock them down. We don’t see men as sensitive beings, so we’re harsher with our words and our judgments and critiques. But this is merely wrong of us too. If everybody wants to have equal opportunities and treatment, we all need to take part in accomplishing it. Men, women, girls and boys. We all need to understand the difference in our abilities and work together to use these abilities to build foundations and strength and love. Everybody is different, our uniqueness is what builds the world. And when I’m married, I will build my husband up the same way I’m sure he will build me.