A wise person once told me that you can never fully love someone else until you fully love yourself. I believe that this is incredibly true. You can not fully accept someone else into your life until you fully accept yourself. This task is easier said than done. Truly loving yourself takes incredible strength and determination, but it is also 100% worth it.

Children are asked often what they want to be when they grow up constantly. They use their imaginations and picture themselves in those roles. Most likely, the person they picture is one altered by images they see in the media. The “perfect” person is portrayed in media everywhere and children see it and believe it without a second thought.

Young girls also watch their mother’s every move. This includes when the mom is cursing at her back fat and thick thighs. Daughters learn this self-judgement from their moms and are extremely likely to start feeling the same way about parts of their own bodies.

Kids are not the only ones who see themselves “perfectly” in future fantasies; adults do as well. When imagining yourself in your dream home or with your ideal family, you see the person you wish you were. This happens unconsciously and is often not realized.

The people you surround yourself with make a huge impact on how you view yourself. When you are constantly in the company of people who like you for your genuine self, you are more likely to love yourself for the person you naturally are. These people will not make comments on how you can better your appearance or personality. Instead, they will say how beautiful you are and complement your personality.

When you look in the mirror, you see a critical picture that your mind may be making up. This is not necessarily how everyone else sees you. When you truly love yourself, the picture you see in the mirror is accurate and the same picture that everybody else sees. It isn’t easy to train your eyes to see the person in the mirror that you truly are because your brain is used to focusing on pictures and people from the outside world that you believe are “ideal.”

In the media, this image of the “ideal” person is constantly changing. One day it is Cindy Crawford and the next day it is Ariana Grande. In the 1950s, bathing suits covered a woman’s body from her bust all the way to her thighs. Now, the less fabric a woman’s bathing suit consists of the more popular the ensemble. With that much skin on display, it is no question why young women and older women alike have self-love issues.

When you are feeling down about yourself, it is easier to engage in behaviors that just drag you further down. These behaviors could be excessive eating, starvation, and self-harm. Another one of these behaviors is looking in a mirror. Yes, something as simple as staring into the mirror while you wash your hands can be a maladaptive behavior when you accompany it with negative thoughts about yourself. When you look in the mirror, it is way too easy to pick apart every small little thing you may see as a flaw. These flaws are, in reality, just traits that make you unique.

Appreciate what you have instead of trying to think of ways you can improve yourself. For instance, I sometimes look in the mirror and see my many moles and freckles and wonder why my face has so many ugly spots. Instead of seeing my face as being ugly and spotted, I can choose to see my freckles as beauty marks that give me character and add extra dots of color to my face.

You don’t necessarily have to change your body to change the way you feel about your body. This change can be mental, physical, or both. The way one person figures out how to love themselves is not the way everyone will figure it out.

Love yourself with a kind of “puppy” love. Always be happy to see your true self, accept praise, and brush off criticism. After you have experienced this true self-love, you can live a happier life. This life can be full of love and acceptance for yourself and everyone around you.