For as long as I can remember I've had anxiety issues, but I've "officially" had Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was about 7 years old. For about two years I was on and off different medications; some of which didn't work at all, and some of which worked with extreme side effects. During those years of trying different medicines I felt like a science experiment and it made me feel so horrible about myself and my condition. Eventually I found a medication that worked well with no side effects and I've been on it for at least 10 years now. It keeps me stable and calm most of the time, but of course my anxiety does tend to break through during extremely tough situations.
When I was struggling through finding a medicine that worked, no one knew what was going on. Even after I found my medicine and wasn't "an experiment" anymore I didn't talk to anyone about my anxiety other than my mom and therapist because I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of myself and my anxiety attacks and how hysterical and paralyzed they made me. I didn't feel like I was normal. I thought people would treat me differently if they knew, so I kept it all inside.
It wasn't until very recently that it all clicked into place, and I made so many realizations about my life with my anxiety. This year I came to learn, more than ever that I am not my disorder, and people will still love me in spite of it. My disorder is just a thing I have and need to power through, but it doesn't define me as a person. Yes it gives me some quirks that other people don't have, but I'm not "the girl with anxiety". I'm myself, and that's all. I don't need to be ashamed. There's no reason to be.
I also realized this year how much love, support and understanding means to me when it comes to such a sensitive topic. Last year was a huge struggle when it came to my anxiety as I transitioned into college, and the realization I made this year led me to open up to my friends at school and help them understand why I was floating around in a bubble last year, and that I really did want to be a part of everything that goes on in our department from the beginning. Opening up to them all was honestly such a remarkable decision because it provided the foundation for the friendships I've been able to build up this year, and I'm so thankful for that. Knowing I have so many more people in my corner to support me now means the entire world and makes this whole thing so much easier to navigate.
I do need to mention though that being open about my anxiety disorder doesn't mean I throw it in people's faces to search for attention. That's the total opposite of my intentions. I opened myself up about it so people could understand me better and realize that although I may have some quirks, I'm still a genuine person and a dedicated friend who will always be there for them. I'm still someone who's up for adventures and fun to be around, I just have a different chemical makeup in my brain than the average person.
I don't know why I was ever ashamed of myself for having an anxiety disorder, but I've come such a long way since that point and I'm so proud to be able to say that. Being more open about one of the most sensitive topics in my life has taught me that people really do genuinely care about me. It's taught me that it doesn't make me less of a person to have a struggle like this, and that people admire honesty about things as important as this.
My journey with Generalized Anxiety Disorder is far from over, and it probably never will be. Anxiety attacks will come and go, but I'll have people there that I can count on. I don't have to go through it alone, and that's such a wonderful feeling. Being open about my anxiety disorder changed my life for the better, and if I had to go back and make this decision over again, I'd want to end up exactly where I am now. I'm in such a good place right now, and hopefully it only gets better from here.
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1. Please just be seasonal allergies
You wake up feeling icky one morning and think “Oh it must be allergies, I bet I’m fine.”
2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night
You go through your day as normal, but you feel gross and more tired than usual.
3. I’ll just take a little nap
You finally get back from class and work and think “Oh, I’m just going to lie down in bed for a little bit.”
4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!
You wake up and realize you slept six hours, it is now 11 pm and you have done none of your homework.
5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off
You stay up until 3 am doing the homework and finally get to go to sleep, you think “Oh I’ll be better in the morning” (clearly you’re in denial).
6. Do I have to be responsible today?
You wake up that morning, you have slept through your alarm and don’t even want to get up.
7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick
You start thinking, “maybe this isn’t allergies.”
8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine
You throw on clothes really quick, go to your classes (even though you’re late) and go to work anyway (still in denial).
9. This is the worst day of my life
You get back from class and work again and your nose is stuffed, you’re coughing and you feel dizzy.
10. Mom?
You call your mom because she always knows what to do.
11. She was right (like always)
She tells you to take your temperature, you do and you find out you have a fever.
12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow
You decide to take some medicine and sleep it off, because of course, you have to be better for class, work and any activity you have for the next day.
13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests
The next morning, you’re behind on classwork, you still have a fever, but you can’t miss your classes and you have a very busy day, so you go anyway.
14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever
The cycle continues, until it's either the weekend or you decide work and class can wait and you need a day to rest.
15. Finally, you're better!
Eventually, after being sick through class and work for about a week or so you’re finally better, and you pray that you don’t get sick again, only to do it all over the next month.
1. You only ask things once.
Asking to go to your friends house a second time is futile. In fact, it may make things worse.
2. Seriously, you only ask once.
You don’t get to go out Friday and Saturday, silly child. Choose one.
3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.
This significantly improves your chances of getting a yes. Pro tip: Doing extra chores helps.
4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.
Who are you going with? What time? Where are you going? Who else is going? Who are their parents? Where do they work? How long have they been there?
5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.
Prepare yourself for a lecture when you get home.
6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.
If you ever want to be able to go out again, you better go home on time.
7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.
Calls start coming the minute you’re late.
8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.
R.I.P. if you see two or more missed calls.
9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.
Because the one room they will not go in determines the cleanliness of the rest of the house.
10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.
Anything remotely inappropriate results in a 10 second joke turning into a 30 minute lecture.
11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"
Disclaimer: When you turn 18, it becomes, “My roof, my rules.”
12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.
Don't be that kid that gets caught by their parents driving somewhere they weren't supposed to be.
13. Don’t talk back. Ever.
I don’t care if you were told to hunt down the last unicorn in the world using a pot of gold stolen from the leprechaun at the end of a rainbow. Just do it.
14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.
Say your prayers.
15. Don’t make them call your name twice.
The second you hear your name being called, drop everything you’re doing and run.
16. Sleepovers are not a thing.
They just aren’t. Why sleep somewhere else when you have a bed at home?
17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.
They might not always show it, but they do.
1. Pets
Getting a pet is great -- cats, dogs, fish, or any sort of thing you can keep makes you care for something beyond yourself and gives you company. (Some are huggable, too!) As a pet owner, you can definitely tell when they’ve gotten into trouble … and sometimes you get a little weird with them. Non-pet owners just wouldn’t understand.
2. Mornings
Without parents to wake you up, how do you even? Or, you know, if you fall asleep at your desk studying because you're working hard. Rough life, man. And mornings were hard enough as it was.
3. Mistakes
We all make mistakes, Ross. It's fine. Whether you mixed your colored laundry with your whites, or you were cleaning and you bleached something that was not meant to be bleached, there's gonna be nobody at fault but you. And even if you're by yourself (or your cat is judging you), you have to own up to it, and move on.
4. Cooking for yourself
Nobody can do sarcasm like Phoebe. Cooking is very exciting in the beginning and all, but once you're at that stage in your life when you're too lazy to even make ramen, and all you have in your fridge is an empty milk carton and some leftovers from last week, well, it's a lot less fun.
5. Hosting
You've finally got a place where your friends can hang and people can come over! But see above. Cooking, cleaning, all that stuff you need to do to prepare for guests is harder than it seems, and if you keep telling yourself that pizza isn't a cop-out, then everything will work out.
6. Taking care of yourself
Just like Chandler, you might not be entirely aware of what health and sanitation is. It's fine, we've all been there. And it's a lot harder than it seems. You're not alone.
7. Holidays
Since you can go all out, you will, and there's nothing your roommates can do about it. Friendsgiving? Heck yeah! St. Patty's Day? Of course! And best of all, Halloween, where your space becomes the spookiest around (on a budget, of course, nobody's made of money).
8. Roommates
So maybe you don't live exactly alone. It's good to have a roommate, right? Especially if they're a good roommate, so you don't have to be picking up after them or complaining to your cat. And when you want to have a do-nothing day, they'll be there for you (and you'll be there for them too.)
9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done
Don't even pretend. That's hilarious. If you can study, good for you, but the rest of us will be over here not doing what we should and hanging out with our friends instead. And cramming and panicking later.
10. Cleaning
If you've ever cleaned a place after a party, you are a survivor, a true warrior. Even cleaning bathrooms or the nooks and crannies of your place before a parent visits will yield some interesting results, however. You never know what you'll find, but it's usually not pleasant.
11. Social life
There's only two modes here: #foreveralone or everything's coming up roses. Without supervision or even any sort of restriction, you can do what you want to when you want to. That means going out ... or staying in. You can do whatever.
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