Every action has a reaction. Whether it's meant to be done or is an accident, everything that a person does will have an effect on the other. This could be in the form of a breakup, inequality, a car accident, you name it, but it seems to be a growing concern of mine that people don't want to be blamed for the things that they do, even if they can't control it.
Once when I was 16, I rear-ended an older woman, mostly because my music was too loud, but I just seemed to let my foot off of the brakes, and didn't notice my car inching forward until it collided with her Lincoln Navigator. Once we pulled into a parking lot, she asked me what had happened, and I didn't know what to say; no good excuses could come to my mind. I could've just said "My brakes didn't work," "I was distracted," but honestly, I just blacked out.
Thankfully, the nice woman said I could pay out of pocket for the scratches instead of having to have it on my record, which was already tarnished with speeding tickets. I remember this because I didn't want to blame myself for the mess I had created. Why didn't I though? It was my fault. I was to blame.
People don't want to be blamed, because nobody likes to be wrong, and no one likes to be called out for being at fault. Why is it a bad thing to be wrong or at fault? It's because people have too much pride, and don't look at the other person's point of view. No one wants a finger pointed at them, and many make excuses for why they did what they did. No matter how many excuses you have, it doesn't change the verdict: you are to blame.
Recently, I had a friend who told me that their recent ex decided to block them on all social media. "Why did they do that?" they asked me. "I was trying to be a good person, to be civil and friendly with them again, but they just shut me out. I don't get it." I explained to them that since my friend was the person who broke it off, it hurt their ex. This is the ex's way of surviving through their tough time. My friend didn't want to be at fault, saying that they tried to do everything in their power to make it right, and that it was absurd that their ex blocked them. My friend didn't want to be blamed for their actions, resulting in this whole conversation.
Even when you do the right thing, for example, ending a relationship that wasn't working out, there will be a person to blame for what happened. Even if you had the best intentions for the other person, you can't help how the affected party feels and reacts to what you have done. You must step into the other person's shoes. My friends ex had their heart broken, and it was just too soon for them to be friends again, with all those memories and feelings still lingering after the break up, and they needed to understand that.
I firmly believe that being at fault should be looked upon as a learning experience, not as a personal demerit. It's a process everyone goes through, and with time and effort I hope that more people understand that it is okay to be blamed, it is okay to be at fault. It is also good to remember that time heals all wounds, even the deep ones that don't seem to heal. So if you are to blame, and there are others pointing fingers at you who are hurting from your actions, accept it with open arms. In due time the other person will grow to accept it too, and it will all be okay.
