“Forgive and forget,” is what people always say. I can’t remember how old I was when I first learned this phrase, but I know I was probably pretty young. Having been raised Roman Catholic, forgiveness was deeply rooted in my Christian upbringing. Even as I have grown and strayed away from the ways of practicing religion, the act of forgiveness has remained instilled in my brain.

The thing is, I honestly don’t know a single person that has truly ever forgotten about someone wronging them. When bad things happen to us, we don’t forget them; we just don’t. It’s human nature to learn from our mistakes—natural selection at its finest. So when someone does something to upset you, or hurt you, you never actually forget. You may have “forgiven” them, but I guarantee you didn’t forget.

At what point though does that blur the line of forgiveness? Is it really forgiveness if you still look at them and know that they’ve hurt you?

I don’t think that it is, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to forgive someone.

Sometimes it’s not about the other person. Sometimes it’s about you, and that’s the way it should be. At the end of the day, it’s you who has live with your own feelings. So if you don’t want to forgive that girl who stole from you, or that ex-boyfriend who did you wrong, or that parent who was just never there for you, it’s okay.

Honestly, not forgiving someone has put me in a better place in life than forgiving someone who continuously let me down. At that point, they don’t deserve forgiveness anyway. I know I must sound like some bitter girl who holds on to grudges, but really I’m just finally looking out for myself.

Sometimes, just sometimes, it needs to be about me.

Forgiveness seems to always be expected, even when people aren’t actually sorry. It’s used and abused and it’s time for people to stop falling prey to false promises. Live life, do you, and don’t let people get you down. If you know you’re never going to actually be able to forgive and forget someone’s act, don’t. Put yourself first and remove those toxins from your life.