I’m not big on showing emotions. I hate crying in front of people, and it’s generally very difficult to find something that will actually make me cry. My mom, on the other hand, will literally cry about anything. I used to think it was just a "mom thing,” and chuckled whenever she would cry at a semi-heartwarming commercial on television, a news article about a baby, or literally every movie ever made. So, when I suddenly found myself crying in the middle of a pizza place earlier this week, I was pretty shocked. This was definitely something more my mom’s style than my own. I was so embarrassed that I ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, asking myself how I had lost all control over my emotions.
I feel very conflicted in today’s society. Showing emotions makes you appear weak or emotionally unstable, but not showing emotions makes you come off as cold or apathetic. Though I tend to be categorized on the colder side of this table, the second I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am shot down for being crazy emotional or for taking things too seriously. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, so why does today’s society equate crying with being weak?
Even when I feel like crying, holding it in is generally the easier option. Between the social embarrassment of crying in front of someone else, the obvious vulnerability that comes with it, and the stereotypical "emotional female" tag, crying just never seemed worth my time. So, I would suck it up. Even if I felt like crying, I simply wouldn't. I would get quiet and hold it in, take myself out of the situation, or just suck it up to deal with whatever emotion I was feeling. Unfortunately, always holding in your emotions can lead to spontaneous eruptions of emotion in the middle of a pizza place.
As I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and tried to wipe up the mascara that was now streaked down my cheeks, I realized that this was my obvious breaking point. It had been a stressful week, and with everything going on in the news lately, my emotions were clearly running high. Instead of crying when I needed to, I held everything in until I simply couldn’t anymore. I didn’t feel better and all I got in return was a few weird looks from the staff and awkward glances from my table.
What I learned from this is that it’s completely OK to cry. Ideally not in the middle of a restaurant, but nevertheless it was so necessary. My brain was telling me I needed to let my emotions take over for a little bit -- I needed to feel whatever was inside of me and understand that these emotions are natural. Happiness is so welcomed and understood, and sadness, anxiety, and frustration should be felt in the same way. We are so eager to laugh out loud, but crying is embarrassing, and that simply shouldn’t be the case. It’s so important to let things out instead of hiding your emotions, because they will simply eat at you or fill you up until you burst one Tuesday night at dinner.
Let yourself feel. Let yourself cry. Let yourself sob. Let go of the anxiety and frustration of whatever it is that caused these emotions, and just feel them for a little while. Breathe. Just as laughing or smiling is natural and helps keep you well-balanced, it’s OK to cry because it, too, is natural and necessary for a healthy psyche. Then, when you’ve cried it all out, simply wipe the tears away, take a deep breath, and tackle the next thing.
