Let me start by saying that this is not a treatise of a single and bitter girl. I’m in a healthy, happy relationship, and I am often struck by just how lucky I am. However, when my friends inevitably ask me for relationship advice, I always have the same line: relationships are not at all worth it unless it is with the right person.

This is not the message we are getting from anywhere else, though. We do not get this from the larger American culture or from our small, Christian college microcosm. So, I am writing to newly single people and perpetually single people and “taken” people and married people and just generally people because I am deeply concerned about what this culture is doing to my friends and to all of us as we view relationships.

At Eastern University, we are consistently bombarded with relationships. People getting married during college is a regular occurrence; we refer to it as, "graduating with your MRS degree." Now this is less common than in years past, but even if people wait for graduation to get married, that is all they are waiting for. Within a month people go from an undergraduate to a graduate and a spouse. Do not worry, there is another fun name for this-- ring by spring. The idea is to meet your soul mate at college, get engaged the spring of your junior year, and get married the summer after you graduate. Don’t get me wrong, this works for some people. There are some great couples that get married before graduation. There are some great couples that get married following this “ideal” timeline. There are great couples that meet here and do not even get engaged until after graduation. As I say each of these situations, I can picture loving, cooperative, happy couples who followed these timelines. The problem with these ideals is that students see this chapter of life as our one chance to find a Christian partner. Then, they either end up in bad relationships or single and miserable about it.

However, if you follow the mainstream ideal of singleness it involves “dating” and sleeping around. According to pop culture, being single is keeping your options open. Being single is not a state where you are not dating or engaging in romantic relationships, it just means you are not committed to anyone. This is not a great alternative, especially for people who do not really revel in the idea of casual relationships. Moreover, no matter your opinion on casual relationships or encounters, when you reach a certain age it is assumed that everyone is looking for or engaging in some sort of romantic relationship. Singleness is not a state anymore, it is simply our word for being “between relationships.”

When I was “between relationships”, I did not realize that was the state I was in at the time. What I did know was I had just been dumped, and I began to slowly realize how miserable that relationship was. I did not know a great relationship was on its way to me, and I was convinced it never would be. So I decided to plan my future only paying attention to my own priorities. I traveled and concentrated on friendships. I dealt with my own problems that I had ignored while I was in a relationship. I worked at a summer camp which meant I could not talk to people off-site much, something I would never have done if I had been in a relationship. I learned through being truly single what I wanted out of life. There were things I would not compromise: my career, my friendships, my education and my family. Being "between relationships" was not wasted time.

Eventually, I did start looking for a relationship, and that is OK. It is also OK not to search and just be you. It is OK to not care about relationships. It is OK to leave college without being in a relationship. People meet their future spouse in a lot of different places, and so many people meet each other outside of college. My parents met through their families. I have friends who met their significant other at the gym. I also have friends who met their significant other at work or online. I also have friends who met their spouse at school. I bet if you think about it, you will realize you have a similar dispersal rate for your friends and family in relationships.

So go and enjoy your life, whether you are in a relationship or not. I cannot wait to hear all your stories about the amazing things you do.