One thing I have learn about self respect is that it is subjective. No one should be able to tell you how to respect yourself. People often have set ideas about how to do it and see any deviation as a sign of diminished self respect. That being said, you cannot control how society views your actions especially if your fellow peers enforce the set ideas of society.
When I first read’ Why It’s Better To Be The Girl No One Can Have”, I was curious what you meant by that. I didn’t really know what to expect and I didn’t like what I got. The article talks about having respect for yourself and what it means. You define it as not being “the girl he can text at 3 am to “chill””. I understand if that is how you believe self respect looks like. I even understand if you want to write about your experiences and why that is your belief. What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to tell other girls how to behave. A girl can have self respect and treat herself well and still be the girl he texts to “chill” at 3 am. You know why? Because that decision is completely up to her. If she feels good doing that then by all means let her and don’t shame her for it.
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Another thing I read was doing these sort of things ends with us girls “being treated like sh*t” by the guys in our lives. Again, I understand if you, personally, had a bad experience and want to share. I know I had a few. But again, there is no reason to generalize about all guys. Not only are you telling girls what they should or should not do, you are also telling the boys that do treat girls badly that they are not at fault for it. In fact you said “We may never be able to change most young guys’ mindsets”. Reading this made me think that you believe the way those ties of guys treat us is our fault. Because some girls choose to want to be available or do things you clearly disapprove of, they should be blamed for the treatment. In fact this slightly reminds me of the people who say its the victim’s fault they were raped. Because we can’t change the rapists mindset so we should change ourselves instead.
You talk about how girls should do what they love, wear what they want, an not think about attracting a guy. That’s great advice, if that’s what you want to do. However, there is nothing wrong with dressing up to impress someone. Yes, put yourself and your comfort first. However, if you are comfortable with dressing to impress that one guy in your math class then go ahead. You talk about dignity here and yet you are it taking away from the girls who choose to do things differently from you.
All in all, after reading the article, I felt pretty bad for me and for all the other girls whose minder doesn’t match yours. Yes, it is ok to draw on personal experiences to tell cautionary tales if you feel the need to. No, it is never ok to tell anyone how to behave if you are basing it on yourself alone. Society as a whole tells us girls how to act and shames us when we break the rules. That makes this a difficult world to navigate. Let’s not make it harder by having girls shame girls for acting outside what society thinks is proper.
