It is okay to be the person in the relationship who gives love the most. It is equally okay to be the person who receives love the most in the relationship. Everyone loves differently, just like everyone has different gifts in life. Loving someone differently, or requiring a different kind of love is not a bad thing. I was always jealous of the girls who were able to love their significant other “easily.” I was always one to love people loudly, boldly, intensely, and with all my heart. I have commonly thought that there was something wrong with the way I love people that I somehow needed to tone my love down. However, after reading Gary Chapman’s book, "The Five Love Languages," I achieved a greater understanding that everyone loves a little differently, and there is nothing wrong with that. The most important thing we can do is to try and understand how our significant other or people around us like to be loved.
Chapman states that there are five emotional love languages that most people identify with: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts and acts of service.
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Words of affirmation is simply just compliments or acknowledgment of the hard work your significant other has done. These compliments have a wide range that can consist of, “I love your hair” to “Thanks for always taking out the trash for me.” No matter what you say, this language is always based on affirming what your significant other did, in a positive light.
Quality time is simply spending time with your significant other, whether it be taking time out of your day to always text them good morning and good night, going out on dates or simply just being in the same room with them reading a book, while they watch a show. Time is the most important thing you can give to a person whose love language is quality time.
Physical touch is a love language that is used without words. Some people crave physical touch and some people would rather be in a personal bubble. However, it is important to realize that if your significant other’s love language is physical touch, you do not have to be constantly touching or kissing them. Physical touch is sometimes simply just sitting close together on the couch or always making it a point to touch your significant other on the back as you walk in a room.
Receiving gifts is a love language all about receiving a token that your significant other can look at proudly and think, “He was thinking about me.” A gift does not have to be anything expensive at all, it can be something as simple as a handwritten note. Your significant other just needs something concrete to hold onto to fill up their love tank.
Acts of service is a love language that requires someone to love another person boldly. Acts of service consist of driving your significant other to work every day because he or she does not like to drive, it can be driving 30 minutes away just to pick up their favorite movie for date night or it can be as simple as cleaning up the kitchen after a hard day at work. You must make sure to do these things with a positive spirit however, or else it may not seem like an act of service, but more like an act of burden.
Learning your significant other’s love languages are important. A lot of the time people like to love each other how they want to be loved, however, if you strive to love someone how they need to be loved, you will realize how much stronger your relationship is. A lot of times in a relationship people realize they are not communicating properly, what they do not understand is that seldom do significant others have the same love language. Explain to your significant other what you need, and have him or her explain what you need. Knowing your love languages can not only change your relationship but your life.
Here is the link to find out what your love languages are: 5 Love Languages quiz
