For women in first-world countries, feminism is a hot topic. We’ve come a long way from picketing for voting rights in front of the White House in Washington, D.C., but many would argue the journey is far from complete. As a female, I’m feeling the pressure from many people on both sides of the issue. Some of my friends and peers are aggressive in their identity as feminists; others that I know are just as aggressive about criticizing the flaws they see in feminist culture.

So, am I a feminist?

No. But let me explain why, before you jump to crazy conclusions.

One of my main problems with feminism is that there’s no set, universal definition. I could bring three of my feminist friends together in the same room, and they’d be in an uproar within 10 minutes about their disagreements. To illustrate what I mean, let me show you a bar graph.

This graph shows, roughly, what most feminists can agree on: women have fewer rights than men. What they can’t agree on is a better balance.

Some feminists believe that women should have the same rights as men have now.

Other feminists believe that both genders don’t have the rights they need, and should have more.

Still more feminists believe that women should have more rights than men.

See the problem? These distinctions are extremely important in who and what people who believe in equal rights should be fighting for. And the questions continue: is it possible to be sexist to men? What does sexism really mean? What is institutionalized discrimination? Do men have less rights than they should? Are men and women truly equal, and just aren’t being treated that way? I see so many different answers from feminists. The point I’m trying to make is the same point many feminists trying to discourage the “man-hater” label are trying to make -- not all feminists are the same, and not all feminists believe the same things. It’s hard for me, and many others, to identify as something when we’re not even sure what that something truly means.

What do I believe, then? I think men and women should be equal. Salaries, health facilities, judicial processes, and societal standards should be evenly matched, no matter who you are. I think both genders aren’t being treated the way they should be, and we need to start fixing our judicial, educational, and social systems. I believe women shouldn’t be blamed for rape, and men should have access to rape support centers for male victims. I believe women should be able to pursue their career without fear, and men shouldn’t be forced to sign up for selective service just to get their driver’s licenses. I believe men and women should receive the same judicial punishment for the same crime, men and women should be able to express their emotions more freely, and men and women should never be objectified. I believe men and women are different but equal, and should therefore be treated that way.

I have told this to feminists of many different backgrounds, and I receive the same answer every time: “Well, sorry, but believing that makes you a feminist, no matter what you say.” That’s disturbing. From what I know of feminism, most people within this group believe that women should have more freedom – women should be able to make a choice as to how others see them. If I don’t want to be a feminist, isn’t that my choice? Do I have a right to choose what group I’m a part of? If feminism emphasizes the freedom to choose how you want to be labeled and perceived, but feminism also denies me my choice and forces upon me a label, that’s frightening. There are too many feminists who only want a woman to have a voice if that woman agrees completely with those feminists’ beliefs. If all women are equal (and they are), feminists need to treat them that way.

Believe me when I say, like everyone else on earth would also say, that I haven’t made my choices without serious consideration and research. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else for what I believe. I want a more equal world, with better rights. I’m just not taking the path of feminism to fight for gender equality.