You find yourself unable to go to sleep because of this aching feeling in your chest, but you don't know why it's there or why it's happening. You find yourself with a crippling stomachache, only increasing as time goes on, but again you don't know why it's there or why it's happening. Your mind begins to wander and recaps every single detail of the previous day, and you pick apart every action taken and word spoken.
You don't really find anything in particular that would feed this aching sensation in your chest, but yet you still are lying awake wondering why it's happening. You try to count sheep, sing a tune in your head or think of a fond memory, but you are unable to get your restless mind off this vague feeling of uneasiness.
You ask yourself, "Why can't I just go to sleep?" It seems so easy for some; they just fall asleep, but you can't get your mind to settle and your chest to stop aching. Your eyes finally grow heavy, and you're relieved because the exhaustion almost seems unbearable. In the morning, you wake up and you think to yourself that this aching sensation in your chest is becoming all too familiar.
You find your appetite becoming almost nonexistent, and the circles under your eyes becoming darker. You ask yourself, "Why is it so hard to be happy?" You really sit back and think about it, but can't seem to find an answer. You've never really thought you were unhappy and you never really thought it was hard to be happy. Others seem so at ease and effortlessly happy, so why is it different for you?
Do you really consider yourself unhappy? Sure, you have work, school, friends and family, so you really couldn't be unhappy. You couldn't be unhappy having loving and caring people around you 24/7 supporting you in every aspect of life. You're still able to smile, laugh, go through daily activities, but the ache in your chest never leaves.
Sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that you become unglued. You feel like you've lost control of your body and you become scared. You search for a breath you cannot take. You search for a calmness that will not come. Why is this happening? Am I really unhappy?
You think you're happy as you could be, yet you know you really aren't. You want answers but are afraid to ask for help. Could it be because you're stretching yourself too thin? Maybe. But you don't really know the answer to the issue, and that's half the problem. You really can't pinpoint where it all began or why its occurring, but you want to fix it. You think you're happy enough, and you think you're okay, but your gut is telling you otherwise. Your gut is telling you to seek help, to find a solution. You don't because you think you're okay.
But until the solution is found, you're left with the seemingly simple question: Why is it so hard to feel happy?
