I am a planner. I mean it's so bad that this past week I got anxious about the upcoming semester and wrote down every class for the first two months of school in my agenda so I wouldn't forget. I like being in control, and I like knowing what comes next. Can you say "control freak?" Which brings me to my ever-present dilemma. What do you do when God is calling you to a life of complete and total freedom, but you're refusing because you think you can do better? Or maybe you don't necessarily think you can do better, but you're scared of Him leading you out of your comfort zone. I'm an American so a love for freedom must be in my blood, right? Wrong. And I'm writing about this to, hopefully, find others who are struggling with this concept as well.
Think about it. We are daughters of the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, and we still think things are better if we just handle them ourselves. Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me. But I know. I know that Satan is trying to use this certain quality of my personality against me. I know that when I think "just handle this so you don't have to bother God with it" and "you're probably going to have to compromise on this in order to get what you want" are bold-faced lies from the enemy. Because here's the thing: Jesus yearns to give us a life far greater than we could ever plan or imagine for ourselves!!! He wants us to loosen our firm grip on our Lilly Pulitzer and Kate Spade agendas that have the next 2 months of our lives planned out and trust Him a little more.
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If you would have asked me two years ago, summer before my freshman year of college, what I imagined or PLANNED my life would be like today, it would be TOTALLY different. How scary is that. Not scary in the fact that my life isn't how I anticipated, but because I would have missed out on so many wonderful things the Lord had in store for me had He not intervened. Which gets me thinking...how many times have I done things my way and missed out on an opportunity God wanted me to take?
I'm new to this whole trusting-Jesus-with-everything lifestyle. Like, wake up every morning and remind myself that He is a good Father and only gives wonderful gifts, new. I struggle daily with it, and I'm far from a life of reckless abandon in Him. However, as new as my worries are every morning, His graces are newer. The way my anxiety comes over me and makes me feel like I'm suffocating is washed by unending waves His grace one hundred fold. I am so thankful for His promises. He keeps them. He renews our strength each day, and we never have to worry about it running out because it is His strength and not ours. How wonderful is His name!!!!
So, if you're like me and struggling to let go of your plans, here are some things that I do to prevent being taken over by the lies.
-listen to Oceans Pandora station (seriously, it's the best)
-read Psalm 139
-just start telling Him how you're feeling. talk to Him like you do your best friend
-remind yourself of the promises in His word
Be transparent with Jesus. Sure, He already knows every thought before you even think it, but He wants to hear from you. He wants you to come to Him with your struggles and worries. He wants you to place them in His hands and rest in His arms. I have a sign in my room that says "In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus", and I'm going to place it where I can see it every morning when I wake up. What will you do to ease the tension a life of planning creates for you? Jesus is the ULTIMATE comforter and a far better planner than you could ever be. Let's go and let God take control. I bet we'll be immensely more joyful.
