We’ve all been there.
You’re at the grocery store, shopping for some cereal and Ramen Noodles, when you turn down an aisle, and you see someone you went to high school with. You know who he/she is, and he/she knows who you are, but you guys never reached a relationship more than acquaintances.
You freeze for a moment, and you wonder if the Frosted Flakes are really worth it. Should you “risk it for the biscuit,” or turn and walk away quickly in hopes the person doesn’t see you before you make a final decision…
Considering I live in the same place I was born and where I grew up, it isn’t uncommon for me to go out to eat or go to the gym and run into someone I know from school/work/etc. It’s not so much the seeing those people that’s hard; it’s speaking to them, especially if I don’t know he/she well personally.
This all centers around the fact: I HATE SMALL TALK.
It is so plastic and insincere, and I despise the chalky tension it creates in the air causing my throat to catch and cut off my sentences into an awkward silence.
I’m not a fake person, so when I’m forced into an overenthusiastic, “Oh my gosh, how are you?!” I die a little on the inside.
It doesn’t help either I’m not a nosy person, so asking questions continuing the conversation is something out of my comfort zone. (It’s a work in progress.)
Don’t get me wrong. I do genuinely care how people are doing. I love people, and I’m happy when I hear or see others doing well, but unless you’re going to talk my ear off and just let me listen, the dialogue will be uncomfortable for the both of us. (Trust me.)
That in mind, I avoid people I know more times than not, and/or I pray don’t see anyone I know when I’m out all-together.
However, with some people I see, it is worse than others because I know if I do happen to talk to him/her, it will be at least a 30-minute conversation, and I can’t handle that.
As I mentioned before, I’m not nosy, and I consider myself a considerate person (no pun intended), so when I see people I know and he/she sees me, instead of engaging in conservation, I often just smile or wave and keep on my way because I don’t want to bother him/her. I’m not blind to the fact most people are like me in this way, and they doesn’t want to stop for chit chat in the middle of grabbing dinner for their families.
More than once, I even had someone tell me, before he/she really knew me, he/she thought I was stuck up and snooty because I didn’t talk, but then he/she realized I’m just quiet. I don’t speak unless I’m spoken to, and generally, I’m okay with silence if no one else wants to speak either.
I also struggle with not wanting to end the conversation because I don’t want to be rude. Having a good discussion with someone is one thing, but I will fight the urge of curling up in a ball or sprinting away because the other person is still responding to cookie cutter questions.
I don’t really go to parties, unless I know most of the people there. I don’t like being the center of attention. I would rather blend into the background or someone pretend I’m wearing camouflage the same pattern as cans of soup in the Target aisle.
I’m not trying to be rude. I’m not trying to be unfriendly. I just can’t “fake it to make it”. It’s not in my nature. So if you see me around town, show me your pearly whites, I’ll show you mine, and we’ll go on with our days.
