On Tuesday, November 8, 2016 Donald J. Trump was voted president-elect for the United States of America. He won 279 electoral votes compared to Hillary Clinton’s 218. Clinton, however, won the popular vote. The next day, all my older sister could say to me is “America has failed you. I’m so sorry.” This honestly terrifies me.

Donald Trump has repeatedly spoken hateful rhetoric, has created a platform upon which promotes and normalizes racism, sexism, and homophobia and that is petrifying. It is not Donald Trump the man that strikes fear in my very core when I think of my life for the next four years, it’s his platform, policies, and rhetoric. Donald Trump is an overgrown toddler and an Oompa Loompa, both statements are insults to toddlers and Oompa Loompas everywhere who behave themselves with more dignity and decorum than our president-elect has shown to possess. It is what he has brought out in this nation. If more than half of this nation voted for these principles, what does that tell me, a woman of color? It tells me I don’t belong and that I should be scared.

What scares me the most is the policies that he will implement in his tenure as president that will effect me every single day for the next four years. His staunchly conservative vice president, Mike Pence, doesn’t promote confidence for women’s rights or health. Under his Indiana anti-abortion laws, a woman was tried and convicted to twenty years in prison for feticide and child neglect for having a self-induced miscarriage. This conviction was later overturned by the Indiana Court of Appeals. Donald Trump and Mike Pence are proponents of pro-life and want to overturn abortion. They are also in favor of conversion therapy using electroshock treatments. These things scare me.

I’m privileged enough to live in California, a liberal state. However, that doesn’t stop these hate crimes from happening here. A Muslim woman dressed in hijab was assaulted and robbed at San Diego State University the day after Trump was elected. There are students at the University of San Francisco proudly walking around campus wearing their “Make America Great Again” hats. Both of these instances scare me.

I was terrified to leave my bed Wednesday morning. This fear has nothing to do with threat of physical, bodily harm to my person. The fear stems from what will come out of the policies and laws the conservative Executive and Legislative branches are bound to enact. The fear comes from the fact that my generation did not choose this man to be president, it’s our parents (not mine specifically, but there generation) and our grandparents. The older generation believes that Donald Trump would be a good president. The older generation has subjected so many people to so much misery and hatred for at least the next four years. They have set this nation back at least one hundred years. This election has done nothing but given voice to the racism, misogyny, and hatred that has been buried deep down in this nation.

I am still in disbelief that Donald Trump is president. This was the first presidential election that I was able to vote in and a part of me is scarred from the experience. I voted for the first female to be endorsed by a major political party. That was revolutionary, but I wasn’t completely behind her. I voted for her because she didn’t scare me the way Donald Trump does. Hillary Clinton irritated me with her ever-changing politics more than anything. I never even took my “I Voted” sticker out of the envelope to wear on election day. Of course I am appreciative of my right to vote because people have fought and died for my right to do so, but I did so so that Donald Trump wouldn’t win. Look how much good that did.

Honestly, I believe that a main reason Hillary Clinton did not win was because people don’t trust a woman in office, no matter how qualified she may be. I may not have been fully behind Clinton, but there is no denying she was far more competent and qualified to be our next Commander-in-Chief than any other candidate on Tuesday night. That is something that incites fear in me, too. The fact that a competent person was passed over simply because she was a woman. What does that mean for me, higher-educated woman, when I enter the workforce? Will I be passed over simply because I have two X chromosomes rather than an XY pair? Hillary Clinton’s concession speech is something that hasn’t completely petrified me in the last two days. It is something that gave me hope. She made two statements that made me feel as though I could get out of bed Wednesday morning, the first being “I know we have still not shattered that highest and hardest glass ceiling, but someday, someone will, and hopefully sooner than we might think right now” and the second, “to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and to achieve your own dreams.”

I am still scared for the next four years of conservative leadership. I am still scared of the blatant racism, sexism, and homophobia that are running rampant in this nation. I am terrified that Trump is going to throw a temper tantrum and rather than going on a 3am twitter rant, he is going to punch in the nuclear codes and nuke someone for pissing him off. And I’m scared to be a female of color in a nation that clearly has little disregard for my existence.

But despite this fear, I refuse to give up. I refuse to let my fear rule me. I will continue to get out of bed and continue to fight against Donald Trump and Mike Pence. He is not my president. I did not elect him and I will not support him. America does not need to be made great. It already is great and will continue to progress. This election may have set us back quite a ways, but we will continue on. We will overcome this this setback. I refuse to accept this.