I’ve never been a “gimme” type of girl. Yes, I’ve often felt uncool or out of the loop because I didn’t have the coolest toys or the most popular friends, but I’ve always let that fuel me instead of bring me down… until now. I’m at a tough spot in my life- an “in-between” time where nothing makes sense and everything is unknown. I’m between jobs, between being a child and an adult, between vehicles.

I don’t know if I’ll find a job in my career, if I’ll have to take a fast-food job just to make money, I don’t know if I’ll end up with a job close to home or if I’ll have to move to find a job… there’s just nothing that I can grasp hold of and know it will be the exact same in six months. When you don’t know what the future holds (and none of us really do) it’s hard to plan. And I’m a huge planner!

This period of unknown is making me question myself anyway, as a person, as a friend, daughter, girlfriend, and as a Christian. I’m already doubting everything around me, doubting my abilities and talents, and doubting every relationship. But then when I open up all my social media accounts and see everyone else’s so-called “perfect” lives, that’s just enough to bring me down to the point of no return.

Seeing her shiny new vehicle, someone’s new job announcement, or yet another proposal is just enough to make me believe those voices in my head. They tell me I’m not good enough, talented enough, smart enough, popular enough, you fill in the blank. They say that I’m not a good teacher, I’m not a good friend or girlfriend, and that people only talk to me out of pity.

In what world does that make sense?! I have the most amazing friends, an incredible boyfriend, awesome parents, and I’ve accomplished so much. I have worked my tail off to get to where I am today, and I’m really proud of all I’ve done! Yet sometimes I let comparison steal my joy and lead me to believe untrue things.

Things like I have to have a new car in order to be as good as my “friends” (which really aren’t my friends, just girls who act like we like each other in order to boast and gloat about our lives.) Untrue things like I have to work at a job which will bring the most money, no matter if that’s where I actually want to work or not. Or that it’s not cool because I enjoy hanging out on my family goat farm. Or that I’m lame because I still live at home with my parents.

I’ve been fortunate enough that my true friends and family have helped me see that none of those things are true. That none of those things are who I am, or what I want for my life, at least not right now. Yes, I want a nice job and a new car and a fabulous wedding marrying a wonderful man. But I don’t have to have those things right now. God has a plan for my life, and maybe He wants me to grow in my career before I get married.

Or maybe He wants me to drive my little old broke-down car for a few more years so I’ll be more appreciative when I get a newer vehicle. Maybe He wants me to live at home for a awhile so I can put my paychecks in savings so I’ll be able to put myself through graduate school. Here’s a secret: I don’t know God’s plan! No one does! But I can trust in Him and believe that He will work everything out for my good.

For now, I know that I must be content with my own life, and where I am in this journey. I must trust God and give Him full control of all things, and I must believe that His plan is far greater than mine! As a chronic planner, it makes my heart so happy to have all my events and dates all scheduled and color-coordinated, but sometimes God just doesn’t work like that. That, my friends, is called faith, and it’s a hard concept for me to grasp. But I’m working on it! And part of the way I’m working towards this journey of finding my true self, my calling, and God’s Will for my life, is by staying off social media.

No one said it would be easy, but I’m vowing to delete my social media accounts and focus on me. I’m just as guilty as anyone for mindlessly scrolling because I’m bored, or to stay in the loop.

But I’ve learned something- if people want me to know something about them or their life, they’ll tell me. And when hardly anyone tells me important things anymore, at least I’ll know who my true friends are. I don’t need to be concerned with what her wedding dress looks like, or how she decorated her cap for graduation, or where she’s been to interview for jobs.

When I don’t measure my success by others, I can genuinely be happy for the good things in their life. I won’t be able to see things my “frenemies” do anymore, or how families choose one cousin to boast about and not the other. I’ll be able to spend more time doing things I enjoy, like reading a good book, maybe starting a blog, hiking with my friends, or playing with our farm animals.

I’ll be able to communicate better with my family, my boyfriend, and my friends, because my mind won’t be filled with constant negativity and comparison. I’ll be able to spend more time talking to God and really digging into His word. I’ll have more time to devote to my students in tutoring, Sunday School, and in my future classroom.

It will be a tough journey, but a journey that I truly believe will be so worth it. I’m hoping that once I say goodbye to social media, I will be able to fill my life with more positive and fruitful things so I won’t even miss it! I’m hoping that I will be able to tell people that it is possible, and that it’s changed me as a person! I’m hoping that I will be able to use my experience to help younger people know what a thief social media can be, and that not everything in life has to be planned around a post, a tweet, or a snap.

So I’m asking everyone to help keep me accountable, support me on this media-free adventure I’m embarking on, and please consider getting rid of some of the distractions in your life, whether it’s social media or something else that’s claiming valuable space in your heart and mind.

I want to leave you with a few quotes from two of the most real, honest and raw women I know of, two sisters in Christ who spend their lives encouraging other women.

“You may be worried about getting THERE, too… wherever THERE is. But wherever you go in life and wherever you’re going, things WILL go wrong. Your plans may change 18 times and you might get lost. You might check your bank account and wish there was one more zero at the end. You may look in the mirror and wonder where the extra weight came from. Your dreams may feel like they’re falling apart and you might lose it a little.

Making the wrong decision will probably scare the pants off you. But look, relationships are hard. Life is hard. And sometimes we cry. But it’s also beautiful. Maybe we shouldn’t try to ‘fix it’ so fast. Maybe we shouldn’t speed through the hard parts because maybe those are where the healing happens- the healing of our pride, stubbornness, and our division. It’s not about getting THERE to the next place. It’s about being HERE, loving and being loved. Unity happens on that journey, so stopping looking at hers today and wishing yours away. At least you have today!”

-Jordan Lee Dooley, SoulScripts

“When someone flat-out rejects me, my idea, my invitation, my project, my whatever, sometimes it messes with me more than it should. I carry on, because that’s what we girls do. But this nagging sense of rejection, real or simply perceived, can do more of a number on me than I care to admit.”

-Lysa Tekeurst, Proverbs 31 Ministries

“Those social media squares are called CONTENT- not life. A nice social media page won’t make you feel better about yourself. You could have the coolest profile with the prettiest pictures in the universe and it wouldn’t make you feel any more meaningful. Think of how sad life would be if all it was made up of was perfectly planned moments to post about. There’d be no changes, adjustments, growth, or lessons learned.

You’ll have moments where your eyes were closed in the picture, or where you have something in your teeth. Maybe we need to share the in-between and not-so-ready moments more often. Real life is made up of more messy in-between moments than it is the kind we compare ourselves to. Real life is a series of awkward hands, constant readjustments, rearranging, messy moments and imperfect backdrops that come together to make so much more than a pretty social media feed- they make a beautiful mosaic of life, a masterpiece really.

So before you look at someone else’s profile and compare all your moments to just a handful of theirs, remember that God gave you a mosaic of your own, and it was never meant to be measured against another’s. Because your life is so much more than the moments you capture, it’s the moments you live.”

-Jordan Lee Dooley, SoulScripts