If you pay attention to Facebook’s trending topics, you may have noticed that for the past couple of days there has been a lengthy hashtag with fans demanding that Captain America be given a boyfriend. The majority of these supporters are shipping together Steve and Bucky — two war heroes and best friends that have been through literally everything together. Let me just make one thing clear: as an avid supporter of the LGBTQIA community, I am not okay with this. I mean, if Steve Rogers is going to be given a boyfriend, it has to be Tony Stark. Nothing on this planet will ever make me support the Bucky-Steve ship. I anti-ship (is that even a word?) the two of them so much that I refuse to even acknowledge if a ship name actually exists. I swear, Bucky is trying to steal Captain America from Iron Man’s loving arms. That’s probably what that whole Civil War movie is about. I refuse to see it because I do not want Steve Rogers anywhere near what’s-his-face.

Bucky, I just want you to know that you are ruining my ships and my life. How could you do this to me? Just go away, okay? Go back to playing dead on trains or whatever the heck it is that you do. Steve deserves better than you. He deserves a real man—well, he deserves a man missing part of his chest cavity—and he is just way too good for you. Do I have actual reasons to dislike you, Bucky? Yes. Yes, I do. In fact, I have an entire movie or two that I could use against you. Do I have any reason to dislike Tony Stark? No. Okay, there are probably several, but still—that is not the point. The point is that you, Bucky, need to see yourself out the door and sail back on that ship you came in on because Steve Rogers and Tony Stark will forever be, and you are destroying that.

I could write so many reasons that Captain America and Iron Man should be together, and many more about why Bucky and Steve should not. My number one reason is that you cannot assign a “bottom” or “top” to either of you, therefore, Bucky, you would ruin every single fanfiction ever. My second reason is just look at Tony Stark. He is a beautiful man. He even has beautiful facial hair. He has a hilarious personality with an ounce of salt and a pitcher of sarcasm. You, on the other hand, do what? Serve up a nice, hot dish of betrayal? Try to murder everyone with your excuse of, “Oh, I was brainwashed and had amnesia and blah, blah, blah”. Good try, Bucky. Good try. Honestly, I do not have a third reason except that they (meaning Stony) are a match made from Heaven. You are just a third wheel, Bucky. To wrap this whole article up, I do not support giving Captain America a boyfriend because you are giving him the wrong boyfriend. He needs a strong, beautiful man that can take care of him and not the average man who falls off of a freaking train only to later backstab you. How do you know he won’t backstab you again, Steve? Huh? Tell me that! #StonyForLife #ByeBucky #CivilWarIsJustMommyAndDaddyHavingAFight