I realized as I reflected on 2016 that there was a lot that I had let go this year. I hadn't stood up to people that I should have, done what I wanted, or moved on from things that I couldn't control. It was a fine year, but I want 2017 to be different. I want to learn to put myself first sometimes, even if that means missing out on opportunities.
There are a lot of people that move in and out of my life, as friends, acquaintances, and even best friends, people I thought would never leave my life. Sometimes, as crazy as it seems, people are supposed to leave our life for various reasons. And 2016 showed me that. So, here's to all the people that won't ring in the new year with me.
I know that we grew apart, and I know that we weren't always close, but friendship is a two way street, and I felt like you never tried. So, I'm moving on in 2017. For me. And I think it was time. There was so much we could have done, but we didn't. And it's okay. It's okay that we put in different amounts of effort: we're different people. We've grown in different ways. This isn't blame or an accusation, but a statement of reality. It is what it is.
At first, I thought letting go of that meant that we couldn't talk or that there had to be tension, but I see now that it doesn't. We can be ourselves without being awkward. I will be nice and kind and help you when you need if you do the same. But, I won't cater to you. I won't be there for anyone that isn't there for me, that lies to me, that leaves me out, that uses me, that doesn't make an effort. And that's what will make my 2017 better.
If I don't want to go out one weekend, I won't. If I feel like you are lying or being unfair to me or not respecting me, I'll look you in the eye and tell you. But I won't let it continue just because I don't want to confront it. I'm going to make 2017 a good year for me, and no one else. It doesn't mean I don't wish well for you or want you to be successful too, because it's actually the opposite. I want you to be successful and happy and have a great year. It's just that your year probably won't include me, and I won't be used as a means of making your life better when you need something.
Here's to a new year, a new me, a new goal, a new freedom where I don't allow people to walk over me. I will be confrontational if I need to, but passive if I know it's better. I will not cater to people that give nothing in return. I will not be in toxic or useless friendships any longer, and I hope you won't either.
