When I tell people that my parents are divorced, 99 percent of the time they respond with one of two reactions: "I'm sorry," or an awkward expression that indicates they are looking for any possible way to change the subject.
And so because the saying "my parents are divorced" creates the same reaction as "I have crabs," I've learned to immediately clarify that no, I do not need your pity -- their divorce is a good thing.
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My family was not "broken" or "sad." I grew up in a happy family. At least I thought I did. Everything seemed fine. As the oldest child of four I grew up helping my parents with my younger siblings. We lived in a duplex with my grandparents. I loved being so close to them but our house was small and cramped for all six of us so I was excited when my parents told us that we would be moving into a new house that was much bigger.
Unlike many children with divorced parents, I remember what it was like before they were divorced and I remember every thing about the divorce itself. I was in the middle of my fourth grade year when we moved into our new house. As soon as we moved was when all of the problems with my parents began. It seemed as if over night their relationship completely changed. I remember staying up late listening to them yell at each other fighting about anything and everything, though it was mostly about money. I remember when my mom left with my little sister to stay at her parents house. I remember when my dad brought his "friend" (an undercover policeman) to come collect his things and go stay with his parents "for a few days."
My parents finally told us after three weeks that they were getting a divorce. At first I was extremely upset. I felt as though my entire world was falling apart. It was very hard for me to grasp not living with both of my parents all of the time. My dad moved in with his parents while they could get our old house ready for us to move in. For many months I slept on a cot in the same room as my dad and 2-year-old sister, and all of my clothes came prepacked in a laundry basket from my mom. I still felt that my family was falling apart and fast. My dad was not happy that this was happening and kept trying to blame everything on my mom and her family.
It took me a long time to be OK with my parents divorce. I always thought that they were meant to be together forever. After their separation and immanent divorce, my parents still fought, just not in front of my siblings and I which made it much less stressful. I have learned that my parents are two people who are fundamentally imcompatible. My father is adventurous, outspoken and constantly on the move. My mother is thoughtful, proud -- and above all -- motherly.
Since my parents divorce I have been able to move on and accept the fact that my family will never be the same, but I like the way my family is now because there is less drama and less stress.
