I'm giving up men for lent.

At least, that's what I've told my friends and family--but it's not exactly how it sounds. I'm not giving up men as a whole for lent... what I mean by that is that I'm giving up trying to find someone for lent. I'm giving up looking everywhere to find a suitable mate. I'm giving up trying to have a boyfriend. Instead, I'm going to focus on myself.

Awhile ago I wrote an article about how I'm unlucky when it comes to love. And maybe I am right now, or maybe I've just been surrounding myself with people that are not compatible for me. As I mentioned in that article, I had been hurt several times the past year or so. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong? Or perhaps I'm setting too easily or quickly, as I just want someone to make me less lonely. Perhaps the people I chose to date simply don't want the same things as me. Perhaps I've been going about dating the wrong way. Whatever the case is, it hasn't been working for me. I no longer blame myself or my ex-men for the fact the relationship didn't work out. I truly believe that fate works in mysterious ways, and that when I meet the person I'm supposed to be with, I'll know. Go ahead, tell me how cheesy that sounds.

I've always been told that when you stop looking, things (people) come. So perhaps that's what time trying. But I am mainly doing this to work on myself. I spent so much time thinking about what other people thought about me, worrying about if I was going to be alone forever, and obsessing over whether or not someone liked me that I lost track of what was really important in my life right now.

Me. My future. My family. My wellbeing.

I am going to graduate in a few months. I still am not sure what exactly I want to do. I don't have a job lined up yet. I have not been working or eating properly. I've been so anxious and depressed lately. Maybe it's because of the stress of school, and my upcoming graduation (and entering the adult world... ahh). Or maybe it's because I've been focusing too much on what other people, guys in particular, think and not enough time focusing on what I know is important and what I think about myself.

So perhaps a better name for this article would be why I'm giving up dating (and focusing on myself). Because that's exactly what I'm doing. I am going to start eating better, taking my vitamins, working out properly, and applying to more jobs. I am going to improve my resume, improve my makeup skills, and learn to cook. I am going to do the things that will benefit me in the long run, which in my mind, is a much better use of my time.