A few weeks ago I made a difficult decision that really wasn’t so difficult for me. I decided not to return to the English MA program at Old Dominion University for the fall semester. I had attended classes in both the fall and spring semester the previous school year and had accumulated nine credits total. But when it came down to it, grad school was not working out and suddenly, I had another option.
The first and probably main reason I found it so easy to leave grad school was because of my mental health. As a woman living with bipolar disorder, I was already at a disadvantage when it came to the workload, the stress and the time commitment that graduate work is. I had educational accommodations through the school for my disability and ended up desperately needing them.
Not only was I struggling to keep up with the workload, but I was experiencing an episode my doctor termed a “medical crisis.” On top of that, I was facing personal and professional setbacks, one after another, and then I was sexually assaulted in February. The fact I managed to earn nine credits rather baffles me, at this point.
In May I was hired for what my Baby Boomer parents called “a real job” as a content marketing specialist at a university. I love my new job, but it occurred to me, I had gone to grad school in order to make myself more employable and now that I had a great job, what was the point of grad school? I didn't want to teach, I didn't want to be an academic and where could an English MA get me that an English BA couldn't in the workforce?
I wanted a graduate degree. I wanted to continue my education, because I love learning. But none of that was enough to justify the time, effort, money and debt it requires to obtain an advanced degree.
If there comes a time when earning a graduate degree will advance my career and I am in a stable enough position, both financially and mentally to pursue it, I will do that in an instant. But right now, I need to focus on my job and my health.
This marks the third time I have dropped out of grad school. Both of the previous attempts were thwarted by mental health reasons as well. I am disappointed to not continue my education, especially with all of the new friends and colleagues I enjoyed learning with. But I can’t attempt to force this issue anymore.
Right now I know I’m still in an episode, I’m still struggling with daily life sometimes, and the last thing I need is more work and more stress. I will remain a three-time grad school drop out. My goals for the future include become a healthier three-time grad school drop out.
