Before you start your rude comments and hate, please hear me out. There is no question that there has never been an election quite like the presidential election of 2016. I’ve heard a lot of people say they aren’t going to vote at all because they don’t want to choose the lesser of two evils. However, I don’t think there is a right way to go, regardless of if it is “technically” against the Constitution or not. But, voting is one of America’s best freedoms and I believe we should always exercise it, and that’s why, this year, I am choosing to exercise my right and vote for Vladimir Putin, and these are 10 reasons why.
1. American foreign policy will never work.
As a college student, most of the people I meet are Bernie supporters, who refuse to accept that he has lost and are now voting for Jill Stein over Corrupt Hillary. They love the idea of having no more wars, but let’s get real, war just has to happen sometimes. You can argue that other countries have a right to not be invaded, but take a closer look, they clearly need it; people are not as well off as they are in America. I agree with Vladimir Putin, it’s OK for me to accept that Russia deserves a bigger slice of the world, and with the combined powers of the U.S. and Russian military just imagine what he could do.
2. He holds the corrupt media and crazy activists accountable.
The 1st Amendment to the Constitution is very important to me, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” Everyone should have a chance to say whatever they want, except in certain cases or instances. However, we are migrating towards a world where the media is so corrupt that they willing to push whatever nonsense comes from either political party. Trump has said he’d push tougher libel laws against journalists, but he’s always talking about things he will never accomplish; Putin, in contrast, has jailed journalists and activists who just make our lives more annoying every day.
3. He's a very accomplished politician.
Vladimir Putin is an experienced politician, there is no doubt about it. He’s had his failures but from those he got back up and continued to chase after what his country wanted. Raising GDP per capita, paying state debts, reforming the army, and reintegrating the Crimea have all been very successful achievements for Putin. His list of accomplishments and successes “putins” his list of failures.
4. Aren't you tired of American politicians?
America is tired of lying, scheming, and lazy politicians. It would be nice to have someone in office who isn’t going to lie to us, has real plans, and will actually change something in the White House for the better. Who better than a Russian ex-KGB agent?
5. He looks great on a horse.
There’s no question that Vladimir Putin would be the most attractive man to ever hold the highest office in the land.
6. He tries to get out truth that the media and other politicians refuse to.
After his government hacked the DNC, he gave emails and voicemails to the great Julian Assange of WikiLeaks fame. This proved the issue of corruption within the Democratic party, with smoking gun email after smoking gun email. Then, because he is incapable of getting anything done himself, Trump asked Putin to find Hillary’s other 33,000 deleted emails. Vladimir Putin has the ability and wherewithal to get things done when they need to be.
7. He's independently wealthy.
Vladimir Putin is very rich, much richer than that Trump clown who is running for President. Putin has a 37 percent stake in Surgutneftegaz, an oil exploration company, as well as 4.5 percent of Gazprom, the state energy giant, and at least 50 percent of Gunvor, a Swiss-based oil trading company that has won a series of state contracts. All this brings his net worth to $40 billion dollars. But don’t worry that he won’t understand your struggles, he called those reports “trash,” what a modest guy!
8. Hillary and Trump just aren't the right people for the job.
An overwhelming number of Americans think Hillary is a liar. Would you willingly vote for someone that you believe has knowingly lied to you countless times?
Trump is an honest guy, but America should stay as far away from anything close to political inexperience in the highest office as possible.
9. He'd be the most manly president since Teddy.
Here is a list of things that Putin has done in his life: captured a 46 lb. Pike, discovered ancient Greek urns while diving in the Black Sea, tracked polar bears, shoot whales with a crossbow for science, freed and tamed caged wildcats, soared like an eagle, hung out in a shipwreck, mastered hockey and two martial arts, received the respect of noted outdoors-men, crushed a frying pan with his bare hands, drove a Formula One race car, befriended large groups of bikers, and is best friends with Steven Seagal. Impressed? I know I am.
10. He'll Make Tyranny Great Again.
We live in the land of the free and the home of brave. However, the American Dream is dead, and not even Trump can fix it. So, I implore all of you to help me elect a proven leader in Putin and Make Tyranny Great Again!
*This article was meant to be a completely satirical take on the popular “Why I'm A College Student And I'm Voting For Donald Trump” piece posted on The Odyssey. I do not in any condone Russian President Vladimir Putin being elected President of the United States, nor do I condone many of his actions outlined above.
