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Why I'm Challenging Jim Davis, Creator Of Garfield, To A Bare Knuckle Street Brawl

Fighting a beloved American cartoonist.

Peter Olson

Mar 06, 2017

Hamline University

830

Jim Davis

If you're wondering why I, a millennial who writes articles for Odyssey for little to no pay, am challenging Jim Davis, well respected American cartoonist and creator of Garfield the Cat, to a bare-knuckle street brawl, then you're reading the right article.

To be quite honest, there isn't one big grand reason I'm challenging Jim Davis, but instead, a bunch of tiny ones. It's like filling up a balloon with water. There's only so much water (in this case the water is Jim Davis) the poor little balloon (in this case the balloon is me). The transgressions that Davis has committed against me, both intentionally and unintentionally, are as numerous as they are varied.

For starters, he's smug. Second, that fucking cat of his is has become an icon of decadence and sin. Garfield is just a spoiled rotten carcass of a cat, who's brought nothing but pain and suffering to the world since his initial conception in the late 1920's. And who's made a steady profit from the constant cycle of chaos and turmoil perpetrated by this animated feline?

Jim Davis, that's who.

The third reason I want to fight Jim is that he slept with my wife and tried unsuccessfully to frame me for arson/insurance fraud. If I'm gonna be honest though, I don't care about this as much as the other things Jim's done or had done to me.

But really though, this fight is more for you guys than for me. When I go toe-to-toe with Davis, each successful blow I land on him will be a victory shared by every downtrodden American who's been pushed around by cartoonists like Davis for too long.

I know this fight is going to be dangerous, and I know there's a good chance that Jim Davis will in fact kill me, but knowing I have the unwavering support of my community keeps me from getting scared.

While Jim Davis has yet to respond, or even acknowledge, my invitation to duke it out on the hot city streets, I do expect him to accept it soon. In the mean time, I will keep training my mind, body and soul for this fight. I will also continue accepting prayers, positive thoughts and Paypal donations.

* Disclaimer: By all accounts, Jim Davis is a nice man and Garfield is a funny cat. Please don't sue me Jim, thanks.*

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Why I'm Challenging Jim Davis, Creator Of Garfield, To A Bare Knuckle Street Brawl

Fighting a beloved American cartoonist.

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There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

Love hard, every day, and never be ashamed.

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