So often “millennials” are told to grow up, but then the statement is retracted and we’re told we’re too young. This applies in so many situations but the most frustrating, by far, is relationships. There is this stigma around being in a serious relationship in your early 20s that needs to be killed off more than all of the Orcs in "The Lord of the Rings." Everyone thinks that you waste your youth by being in a monogamous relationship throughout the duration of your collegiate endeavors or that you should enjoy being single to get it all “out of your system.” Well, I’m here to say that some people don’t need to get anything “out of their systems.” First of all, nobody gets to choose when they find their person. However, whether you’re 14 or 40, finding your person has to be the most beautiful thing that can ever happen.
The day I moved into college was the first day of the rest of my life. I was not even on campus for an hour before I found the man I would marry. I was not seeking a relationship, and for the first couple weeks, I didn’t have one. I “lived my life” and went out with my friends and did all of the stereotypical college things you can imagine, but there was someone missing. My roommate hung out with my future husband and came home every night telling me that he had asked about me, which made me ask about him. I finally got up the courage to make the first move and ask for his phone number and he asked me to hang out. As cliché as it is, the rest was history. We fell fast and hard and never left our honeymoon phase. What was different with him was that we skipped the new relationship shyness and put everything out on the table; all of our baggage, and I mean everything. You know how when you’re in a relationship and you have to shave your legs for the entire first year so they don’t think you’re gross? Yeah...not me. We were both so exhausted with the idea of being perfect for someone else that we just wanted to be ourselves, and to each other, we are perfect.
When we started dating, some people said I was making a mistake and asked why I wouldn’t want to enjoy college? I was enjoying college. Why would anybody in their right mind think that experiencing the world with your favorite person wouldn’t be enjoyable? I did more in college than I ever thought imaginable, and if it weren’t for him, I would have transferred and those opportunities may not have presented themselves. I co-founded and was president of an ever-growing sorority, was a Resident Assistant, Chief Justice on a college Judicial Board, was a Student Ambassador and recognized leader of my college. I worked two outside jobs on top of it all and 100 percent of my motivation stemmed from the support of my person.
Almost five years later, and we are getting married this summer and the same question has come about; why don’t you want to enjoy your life before you get married? Once you get married, everything will change, you’re too young. Here’s where I will tell you, I will never be too young. Some people meet their person, but don’t want to pursue the relationship in fear of being tied down. I caution you to rethink your decision, because you may never get that opportunity again. Now I ask you, why does my life have to end when I get married? I can still experience whatever I want to experience, except I will have a partner in crime to do it all with. If you think that life ends with marriage, that is because of you, not the relationship; if it is the relationship, maybe that’s not your person.
Again, at the risk of sounding cliché, love should be liberating, motivating and satisfying. There is no feeling that I can give you to describe it, because it is different for everyone. Just please, for the sake of everyone, stop telling me I’m too young.
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1. Please just be seasonal allergies
You wake up feeling icky one morning and think “Oh it must be allergies, I bet I’m fine.”
2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night
You go through your day as normal, but you feel gross and more tired than usual.
3. I’ll just take a little nap
You finally get back from class and work and think “Oh, I’m just going to lie down in bed for a little bit.”
4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!
You wake up and realize you slept six hours, it is now 11 pm and you have done none of your homework.
5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off
You stay up until 3 am doing the homework and finally get to go to sleep, you think “Oh I’ll be better in the morning” (clearly you’re in denial).
6. Do I have to be responsible today?
You wake up that morning, you have slept through your alarm and don’t even want to get up.
7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick
You start thinking, “maybe this isn’t allergies.”
8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine
You throw on clothes really quick, go to your classes (even though you’re late) and go to work anyway (still in denial).
9. This is the worst day of my life
You get back from class and work again and your nose is stuffed, you’re coughing and you feel dizzy.
10. Mom?
You call your mom because she always knows what to do.
11. She was right (like always)
She tells you to take your temperature, you do and you find out you have a fever.
12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow
You decide to take some medicine and sleep it off, because of course, you have to be better for class, work and any activity you have for the next day.
13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests
The next morning, you’re behind on classwork, you still have a fever, but you can’t miss your classes and you have a very busy day, so you go anyway.
14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever
The cycle continues, until it's either the weekend or you decide work and class can wait and you need a day to rest.
15. Finally, you're better!
Eventually, after being sick through class and work for about a week or so you’re finally better, and you pray that you don’t get sick again, only to do it all over the next month.
1. You only ask things once.
Asking to go to your friends house a second time is futile. In fact, it may make things worse.
2. Seriously, you only ask once.
You don’t get to go out Friday and Saturday, silly child. Choose one.
3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.
This significantly improves your chances of getting a yes. Pro tip: Doing extra chores helps.
4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.
Who are you going with? What time? Where are you going? Who else is going? Who are their parents? Where do they work? How long have they been there?
5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.
Prepare yourself for a lecture when you get home.
6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.
If you ever want to be able to go out again, you better go home on time.
7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.
Calls start coming the minute you’re late.
8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.
R.I.P. if you see two or more missed calls.
9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.
Because the one room they will not go in determines the cleanliness of the rest of the house.
10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.
Anything remotely inappropriate results in a 10 second joke turning into a 30 minute lecture.
11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"
Disclaimer: When you turn 18, it becomes, “My roof, my rules.”
12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.
Don't be that kid that gets caught by their parents driving somewhere they weren't supposed to be.
13. Don’t talk back. Ever.
I don’t care if you were told to hunt down the last unicorn in the world using a pot of gold stolen from the leprechaun at the end of a rainbow. Just do it.
14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.
Say your prayers.
15. Don’t make them call your name twice.
The second you hear your name being called, drop everything you’re doing and run.
16. Sleepovers are not a thing.
They just aren’t. Why sleep somewhere else when you have a bed at home?
17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.
They might not always show it, but they do.
1. Pets
Getting a pet is great -- cats, dogs, fish, or any sort of thing you can keep makes you care for something beyond yourself and gives you company. (Some are huggable, too!) As a pet owner, you can definitely tell when they’ve gotten into trouble … and sometimes you get a little weird with them. Non-pet owners just wouldn’t understand.
2. Mornings
Without parents to wake you up, how do you even? Or, you know, if you fall asleep at your desk studying because you're working hard. Rough life, man. And mornings were hard enough as it was.
3. Mistakes
We all make mistakes, Ross. It's fine. Whether you mixed your colored laundry with your whites, or you were cleaning and you bleached something that was not meant to be bleached, there's gonna be nobody at fault but you. And even if you're by yourself (or your cat is judging you), you have to own up to it, and move on.
4. Cooking for yourself
Nobody can do sarcasm like Phoebe. Cooking is very exciting in the beginning and all, but once you're at that stage in your life when you're too lazy to even make ramen, and all you have in your fridge is an empty milk carton and some leftovers from last week, well, it's a lot less fun.
5. Hosting
You've finally got a place where your friends can hang and people can come over! But see above. Cooking, cleaning, all that stuff you need to do to prepare for guests is harder than it seems, and if you keep telling yourself that pizza isn't a cop-out, then everything will work out.
6. Taking care of yourself
Just like Chandler, you might not be entirely aware of what health and sanitation is. It's fine, we've all been there. And it's a lot harder than it seems. You're not alone.
7. Holidays
Since you can go all out, you will, and there's nothing your roommates can do about it. Friendsgiving? Heck yeah! St. Patty's Day? Of course! And best of all, Halloween, where your space becomes the spookiest around (on a budget, of course, nobody's made of money).
8. Roommates
So maybe you don't live exactly alone. It's good to have a roommate, right? Especially if they're a good roommate, so you don't have to be picking up after them or complaining to your cat. And when you want to have a do-nothing day, they'll be there for you (and you'll be there for them too.)
9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done
Don't even pretend. That's hilarious. If you can study, good for you, but the rest of us will be over here not doing what we should and hanging out with our friends instead. And cramming and panicking later.
10. Cleaning
If you've ever cleaned a place after a party, you are a survivor, a true warrior. Even cleaning bathrooms or the nooks and crannies of your place before a parent visits will yield some interesting results, however. You never know what you'll find, but it's usually not pleasant.
11. Social life
There's only two modes here: #foreveralone or everything's coming up roses. Without supervision or even any sort of restriction, you can do what you want to when you want to. That means going out ... or staying in. You can do whatever.
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